Listen again: It's nice to know you're human.

[00:00:04] Leaders exist and must function in the space between opposing forces. Being human and leading humans are two wildly different concerns, aren't they? Humans are creative, adaptive, prone to error, often selfish, capable of love, and generally complex and messy.

[00:00:26] And despite this, we humans expect our leaders to be resilient, inspiring, all-knowing, and entirely devoid of flaws. In other words, perfect. It's a wonder anyone chooses to lead when you consider how impossible it is to actually be both human and perfect.

[00:00:49] The real irony is, though, that we do not need perfect leaders. No, we need humans who will lead. Let me start by explaining what I believe leading like a human entails. There will obviously be details and circumstances in specific industries or particular companies that define the discrete duties of any one leader.

[00:01:18] But when we peel back the minutiae of a job description, leadership involves a surprisingly small number of essential mindsets and behaviors. In fact, I count three. Demonstrating care, providing support, and choosing grace. These three essentials enable leaders and their teams to take action, which is so vital to the workplace.

[00:01:43] But I'm going to call out moving to action as a fourth essential for our purposes. So, leaders need to think about and act with care, support, and grace. That sounds lovely, doesn't it? But if we don't address what it takes to think and act this way, we can't expect leaders to succeed. That's why we need to talk about the competencies that make it possible to lead well.

[00:02:14] Welcome to the Well-Led Podcast. I'm your host, Kate Johnson, owner of 123 Limited. I'm excited to start this year exploring the competency that lays a solid foundation when it comes to leadership, vulnerability. I hear you. What about political savvy or financial know-how? What about resource management? What about real-world professional skills and experience? Yes, of course. Abilities like business acumen can be important.

[00:02:44] But really good leadership, the type worthy of being followed, begins with being vulnerable. Let me back up just a little. One thing I want to be sure to make clear in this podcast is that all good leadership begins with self-leadership. You can't lead a team if you can't manage yourself. There will always be a starting point for the good leader that sits inside their own mind or heart.

[00:03:12] One theme we will revisit again and again here is self-awareness. The practice of observing and understanding the self. To observe and understand, we must first uncover. So self-leadership begins with uncovering or revealing yourself. This is a choice to be exposed and open, which is the meaning of vulnerability.

[00:03:39] Vulnerable has its root in the Latin word vulnus, meaning wound. It carries an additional meaning of defenselessness. It is the act of making weakness visible. To be clear, the vulnerability is not nakedness. Instead, it is acknowledgement. I have flaws and soft places that can be hurt. What does this have to do with leadership?

[00:04:03] Well, for one, a vulnerability connects us to one another because it touches on our innate and human fear of being hurt or harmed. Leaders work through connections and being vulnerable allows you to create those connections. All leadership relationships involve a power imbalance. Leaders have responsibility and authority that can directly impact employees' well-being and livelihoods.

[00:04:30] And because of this, the building blocks of trusting, healthy relationships can be hard to find and use. What vulnerability grants you is a means to level the playing field, so to speak. When a leader chooses vulnerability, it demonstrates to the team that they are dealing with a real person. Let me share a story. Several years ago, I hired a new employee and had a beautiful plan to orient her to the team and her new duties.

[00:05:02] And on her third day, we discovered that I'd forgotten to prepare for a third-party online training session, but was myself scheduled in meetings all day. So it was straight into the deep end for her. This was not my careful plan. It was not the prepared and competent leadership I wanted to provide. It felt like a disaster. But she was fine. More than fine, actually.

[00:05:27] She stepped right in, figured everything out, and generally did exactly what I'd hired her to do. I still apologized profusely and at length. I was ashamed. And her response? It's nice to know you're human. I certainly am. I just didn't want her to discover it so soon. In truth, I wanted to be seen as perfect for just a little while. You know, there are any number of leadership theories.

[00:05:56] They come in and out of fashion-like shoes. Many have merit. But the worst of all is the great man theory. In essence, it tells us that some men are, as Shakespeare says, born to greatness. It's the actual worst. And fundamentally wrong. No one is born knowing how to lead. I repeat, no one. This should be a comfort to us all.

[00:06:22] It means that we can learn how to lead in spite of, or maybe because of, our humanity. The failures, strengths, all of it. We can lead. When I made and owned my mistake, I chose honesty and vulnerability. It was hard. It hurt my pride and left my ego bruised. And you know what? I'm so glad that I did.

[00:06:50] Facing my weakness in that moment not only created a connection with my new employee, it made it easier for me to bounce back the next time I made a mistake. Because of course I made more mistakes. I'm only human. I'm not saying that you need to make lots of mistakes to be a good leader. We all know it will happen regardless.

[00:07:15] I am saying that part of being a good leader is to be the first to admit to the mistakes you do make. And the very fact that you are imperfect. That you are capable of error and feeling hurt. You don't need to dwell on this or share it extensively. You do need to accept it for yourself and integrate it into your leadership practices. Let's explore what this can look like.

[00:07:42] As we've discussed, it can look like developing the habit of owning your mistakes. Beyond that, leaders who choose vulnerability can be heard saying, I don't know. In other words, emitting ignorance or a gap in your knowledge. Then there's the leader who accepts negative feedback with gratitude and no defensiveness. Or the leader who builds teams and partnerships that fill in their own skill gaps.

[00:08:08] The leader who delegates willingly, especially when they know doing the work themselves is either safer or could bring them recognition. The leader who celebrates when an employee takes a promotion on another team. The leader who tells a story about a missed opportunity or failure. The leader who has known and can understand heartbreak. The leader who shares their hopes for the future.

[00:08:35] Any time you choose to share a characteristic of your humanity, you are being vulnerable. So far, we've focused mainly on the choice to be vulnerable. I believe there are emotional and tangible benefits for us when we let ourselves be open with others.

[00:09:02] But I'm advocating for this because it means something for your employees and the work you all are trying to do too. Vulnerability is one of the competencies, skills, knowledge, abilities, traits, and the like, that I have identified as being part of the leadership essential demonstrating care. You see, my theory is that in order to be a caring leader, you must first be vulnerable.

[00:09:28] This is because we humans won't open ourselves to the care of someone we feel can hurt us. When you choose vulnerability to demonstrate that you are capable of being hurt, you are signaling that you are like your employees. They can trust you not to hurt them because you know how awful it is to be hurt. There's a beautiful story shared by Donald Miller in his book, Blue Like Jazz.

[00:09:56] A team of Navy SEALs were on a mission to rescue a group of hostages. But when they found the hostages, these scared and hurt people were afraid of the SEALs. They couldn't be convinced to leave until one of the soldiers removed his helmet, set down his weapon, and curled up next to the cowering prisoners.

[00:10:19] He began whispering assurances and used his whole self, tone, expression, body language, to help them see that he was not another threat, that he was actually like them. He made himself vulnerable. It was an act of caring for the people he was responsible for, and it resulted in a successful rescue mission. Now, most of us don't work in conditions like this.

[00:10:47] And there is a truth still for us to learn. We care for others when we allow them to see that we trust them with our weaknesses. Leading well doesn't start with glittering accomplishments or galvanizing speeches. It is rooted in the willingness to be defenseless with others. Not so that you can be wounded, but so you can care for your people.

[00:11:23] Why do we miss the fact that vulnerability is bravery? Why do we call it weakness? We do so because of fear. Because the brave act of vulnerability allows others to see weakness. And our little human precious minds complete what we see with what is the actual underlying truth. But if we let our more capable hearts experience another's vulnerability,

[00:11:49] there will be an echo, a resonance, recognition that we are all the same. Choosing vulnerability does risk exposure and even pain. But it also carries a possibility. Vulnerable people are capable of genuine connection. The kind, those who wrap themselves up in fear, perfectionism, and the other lies ego whispers will never have the chance to experience.

[00:12:17] When I think about what it takes to lead well, human connection, understanding, humility, compassion, and all the rest, the rewards of vulnerability far exceed any risk you may face. To all of our Comfy Chairs listeners, thank you for your support over the years. To our new listeners,

[00:12:45] welcome to the Well-Led Podcast. I'm Kate Johnson, and I appreciate you making time to think about your leadership practice. If you found this episode useful, you can support the show by following or subscribing on your preferred podcast platform. It helps other leaders find these conversations. And if you're open to it, leaving a quick rating or review goes a long way. We'll be back next Tuesday with an episode featuring other voices

[00:13:15] sharing thoughts on vulnerability. And later this season, we'll dig into the importance of empathy. If you want updates on episodes, resources, and upcoming offerings from 123 Limited, you can join the newsletter at any time. For more tools and perspectives on leading well, especially in the space where results and humanity meet, visit 123limited.com. Thanks again for being here.

[00:13:43] I look forward to continuing the conversation next week. logby. Take care. Bye.