Lost Tapes: Do you code switch at work?

[00:00:00] and having mutual respect to understand, okay, hey, I may not agree with some of the things you do outside or some of the things you do in the office or in your personal life, but I trust that you can do your job.

[00:00:13] Welcome back folks. We're still haven't named this show yet. It's just uncensored, unfiltered or something, something it's in progress. Hopefully by the time you're here listening to this we will have a name for it.

[00:00:26] What's up? Well, how you doing man?

[00:00:29] I'm good man. I'm excited for this one. I think it's going to be a good show as always and looking forward to talking about this one.

[00:00:37] Yeah, I think we picked a very interesting subject.

[00:00:42] Our aim for this show is just to have a safe place to talk about some topics that are a little bit more sensitive in nature and controversial even and very opinionated even

[00:00:55] Just have a place, a safe place to listen and to talk about these things. And what we're talking about today is code switching. And if for those of you don't know what code switching is, it's the practice of alternating between different languages, dialects, registers within a conversation or social context.

[00:01:15] If you get the meaning where you one way at home and you one way at work right kind of the gist of it.

[00:01:23] Yeah, not being authentic or it could be in different social settings at work to that you may act different around a certain group of people at work versus a different subset.

[00:01:40] Wow.

[00:01:41] Some interesting examples of code switching and one of them is switching between formal and informal language.

[00:01:48] That's that's like a big one is slang right especially I guess everybody has this thing but in New York, we have some real serious slang then I definitely can relate to this and why this subject was really important to me is because I felt that shift and I felt, oh gosh but I never felt like it should be that way because the way I taught myself.

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[00:03:19] The definition of integrity was being the same person you are, no matter who you're around. So I really aimed for that. You know what I mean? And it's not perfect. Of course, I think even in our best cases we still will regulate this but I feel like I've gotten to a better place where I'm more authentic at work and all in my whole life.

[00:03:49] And to the point where my friends know because they're like, Oh, Brian, you're always using the words and that and that's just a part of who I am right. It's just big on words and definition of the word being intentional about what you use.

[00:04:02] So that was real important to me early on. So I tried to speak less slang so that I only spoke one way.

[00:04:14] Of course, when you with your friends right slang is easy.

[00:04:19] Another example if you're from a different country from where you are you're alternating dialect or accent.

[00:04:25] Ooh, I have a cousin she lives in the south now so accents more southern most of the time. But when she comes to New York or she's around her New York fam her accent shifts back a little bit.

[00:04:38] You know what I mean? So that's a good example of the altered altering dialect or accent.

[00:04:44] Another one is modifying vocabulary. I can't think that's like the formal and informal language but okay, adapting your vocabulary to suit the context of the audience. Okay.

[00:04:57] There's a lot of good ones. Another one is adjusting nonverbal communication. That's big like body language right like how you would carry yourself.

[00:05:06] Like the word not holding you the swag in this of things and all that that's a big one.

[00:05:12] I'm not that right. Yeah, yeah, and I noticed that too like certain people you have a certain looks.

[00:05:19] And you only do that with them.

[00:05:22] I've seen walks I've seen people like the neighborhood the walk is different and then you catch them somewhere else and they're like the very like oh the walk like your walk is that like oh whoa okay.

[00:05:33] That's a good call out. Yeah, what is it?

[00:05:36] Using by bilingualism or multilingual. Okay.

[00:05:42] This is a big thing with Spanish folks and this is controversial because the Spanish speaking natives will go back and forth in and out of Spanish and English.

[00:05:53] And if you're at work that may make people feel uncomfortable.

[00:05:57] And I've known people that have been like,

[00:06:02] Talk to because of that and things like that. I don't speak Spanish that fluently to do it.

[00:06:07] So I've never been you know what I mean but I've been family friends that have gone through that.

[00:06:13] So I definitely get that. That's so that's another version of this of code switching and then I was alternating communication style directness or aggressive or not aggressive.

[00:06:28] See, that's another thing I try to like.

[00:06:31] What about you so far before we get through this anything jumping out at you. This is just an example.

[00:06:36] You may have a different experience with a certain group of people are different background, different beliefs.

[00:06:42] You may know that somebody else at the job may be a little bit different. So you act different with them.

[00:06:50] You're more aggressive towards them. You're, instead of just being trying to be balancing treat everyone the same. That's like how I feel like you may be alternating your communication style with certain folks.

[00:07:05] I know people that you know that I'm guilty of this and my especially when I was younger because of that funny that was in me that people pleasing the old and I have this way with this group of people and then after another way on try to be more prim and proper with other people because I didn't want to

[00:07:29] be like, I mean, like they say ghetto. I don't want to see ghetto at work. I didn't want to see ratchet.

[00:07:35] Yep.

[00:07:38] That that makes me I'm gonna keep it real right we as a safe place I'm gonna keep it real. That makes me think of male female dynamics, right?

[00:07:47] When I was learning how to behave at work, I would. I was still like being nicer to the pretty girls and you know to be like she nice to her and then and like immediately coworkers pick up all you try well you don't like they easily pick up on then you realize

[00:08:05] that I'm not going to be like, oh wait. That's inappropriate how obvious I am you know what I mean and again integrity I use integrity to like bring me like my as my foundation as my true north act the same no matter who they are, no matter what they look like

[00:08:22] they treat you treat them the same you know what I mean have that same energy, especially at work and if nobody's breaking your trust and things like that. I'm gonna trust you so I shouldn't you know what I mean so let me treat everybody the same.

[00:08:35] And but I can I try to apply these rules like in my whole life everywhere throughout everything I don't know why stuff but integrity.

[00:08:43] I guess this bothered me. That's what it was like seeing people in my family that would act one way, and then another way behind right at that. I did not like that I did not want that for myself, you know what I mean because it was toxic.

[00:08:58] You'll be honest right it's toxic.

[00:09:00] And I didn't want that for myself. Early on I knew at least that and all right if I didn't know much it took me forever to learn everything but I didn't know much but

[00:09:13] I knew that and that's guided me since and so this is something I really been again this subject that was it was as close to me and

[00:09:23] and I felt more safe in this environment than any other kind of more exposed to talk about some of this stuff.

[00:09:34] Another one and I call my shifting humor and jokes.

[00:09:38] That's a good one too because sometimes people

[00:09:41] Whoa, now you all of a sudden you missed the jokes they're over here.

[00:09:46] Like those dudes right it's all good you and him just chilling or you and her just chilling all of a sudden you in a crowd and now they missed the funny and they snap it on everybody.

[00:09:56] Oh, who's this? You know what I mean for what and that's probably a need for them to feel what are they saying being mindful of the type of humor jokes you use different individuals groups may vary since

[00:10:10] you can't you gotta be like gotta stick with the dad jokes. You know what I mean if and even that sometimes

[00:10:18] Be careful and the last one is modifying clothing or appearance sure but that's that kind of

[00:10:27] Well, it could be true right? It could be true.

[00:10:31] Yeah, but matter of fact though. No, I'm not going to work. I'm not going to work with shorts t-shirt and slides.

[00:10:41] Well, I don't think how do you take it? How do you do? Yeah, how do you take this as you may put on a little bit put on some airs like I use this analogy right I grew up in church.

[00:10:54] Yeah, they say like on Easter Sunday you bring out your Sunday. Yes, absolutely on Easter Sunday.

[00:11:01] That's how yeah from a work standpoint. If the big boss is coming in this week at our you're trying to address to impress right I know you have to take some pride in what you were to work you don't want to go to work.

[00:11:17] Yeah, there's a dress code most places.

[00:11:19] Yeah, I think what they're saying is like when around a certain group, like when you know you might be working in a different area. You don't really care about how you look, but then when you're around another group of people, you're then you want to be like top notch.

[00:11:37] So I guess that's what it means from a cold switching standpoint right like you're switching up because you'd be in and I know probably somebody could argue with survival.

[00:11:46] It's it's acclimatization.

[00:11:50] It's part of playing the game.

[00:11:52] Well, I feel like there are probably some folks out there that think that this is okay. You know what I mean? It's okay for me to be this one person and for me I have a problem with it because I think you can find that balance throughout your whole life to be this one person that has integrity.

[00:12:12] You know what I mean?

[00:12:14] And of course there's going to be some little modifications here and there of yeah because when I'm with some of my best friends and we're just having beers like it's a different conversation right.

[00:12:28] I'll say for me in an example where it could have been perceived as cold switching right. So I listen to everything right, but because I worked at this one job where certain people look at you because of who you are.

[00:12:44] And so for me I felt like I had to in order to fit it in order to make myself look intelligent instead of listening to Biggie or whatever my headphones or whatever like hip hop R&B or whatever I would throw on Beethoven or Mozart.

[00:13:00] Not there's anything wrong with that but I just try to make myself.

[00:13:03] But it's not is a real is the question.

[00:13:05] Well, I actually do listen to those things.

[00:13:08] But the reason I did that was because of you were intentional with it really.

[00:13:15] It was more so because I wasn't being authentic.

[00:13:19] I feel like being authentic is listening to whatever you want to listen to right not thinking about it.

[00:13:26] And not thinking about it.

[00:13:27] Right.

[00:13:28] Me, how I consider that was cold switching in that moment.

[00:13:30] I was in my 20s when I did it.

[00:13:32] I was somebody made a comment about some type of piece of art, or whatever. And they asked me, Oh, do you know what this is. And they happen to have classical music playing in their office and they happen to be different societal view than me or whatever and a different race than me.

[00:13:51] And I remember that feeling of feeling stupid less than in that moment.

[00:13:57] Yeah, and feeling because I didn't know who they were talking about. And I didn't know who was the classical artists or composer.

[00:14:05] I wouldn't know anything.

[00:14:06] That was on the radio at the time. And so it was to try to make myself look like I could fit in and be a part of a click.

[00:14:16] That's what I did. And that was cold switching.

[00:14:18] Yeah.

[00:14:19] One on one. One on one on cold switching.

[00:14:21] Yeah, it made me think about how because one of my dreams is to be a CEO that can play Wu Tang from the office.

[00:14:31] You know what I mean?

[00:14:32] Word that's always been like, okay, I'm going to break these barriers because because unfortunately a lot of the CEOs that I grew up looking at were probably more likely to play some classical music in their office than Wu Tang.

[00:14:47] That has since changed and no dig at whatever you listen to. But it just is what it is, right? As black and brown people like it's been it's taken a long time to see ourselves in these high positions.

[00:15:04] I most recently had a brown CEO and approachable and had conversations and had advice and things and recommend. And that was an amazing experience for me.

[00:15:15] You know what I mean? I finally worked for a CEO that was looked like me. You know what I mean?

[00:15:21] And it's things like that that drove my like fired to be authentic.

[00:15:30] That motivation to be authentic.

[00:15:33] Yeah.

[00:15:35] Yeah man. So now we got some of the ways to be more authentic perfect segue, some of the ways to be more authentic and Walter is going to help us with run us through these.

[00:15:46] Yep. So thank you so first one.

[00:15:49] The first one is probably the one of the biggest is just know thyself.

[00:15:57] Be comfortable. And another way to put it is be comfortable with being you develop a strong understanding.

[00:16:02] Develop a strong, strong understanding of your values, your strengths, your interests and the key point in here is that self awareness. Yes.

[00:16:13] So you can align your actions with your authentic self. So being self aware and being self aware is knowing that you're not perfect, knowing that you have weaknesses, but acknowledging not just focusing on those is also

[00:16:29] acknowledging your strengths and understanding that you're still a work in progress and it's okay for you to be you.

[00:16:37] Yep.

[00:16:39] So that's the best part of knowing yourself.

[00:16:42] Makes me think of you like how you say you got to give yourself grace, make mistakes, things happen you got to give yourself grace.

[00:16:52] Know thyself right know yourself.

[00:16:54] It sounds easy, but it's tough man like I used to struggle with that as well right again using integrity as the true north but because I didn't know myself you know what I mean.

[00:17:06] And my wife at the time was my girlfriend I've known her for a lifetime now.

[00:17:13] She used to tell me oh you're not even comfortable in your own skin and I didn't know what that means.

[00:17:21] You know what I mean.

[00:17:22] She was always eons, gears beyond my matured and I'd be like what she's talking about you know what I mean but eventually understood and that's what it is knowing myself being comfortable with yourself and knowing you and it's okay and giving yourself that grace.

[00:17:39] Yep. Absolutely.

[00:17:40] Knowing that you should listen to Biggie and not Beethoven in that moment.

[00:17:45] If I want to.

[00:17:46] That's a thing.

[00:17:47] If I want to.

[00:17:48] Exactly.

[00:17:49] Right.

[00:17:50] I'm not bothered by this.

[00:17:51] Amen.

[00:17:52] And as long as I'm not bothering anybody else.

[00:17:55] Yep.

[00:17:56] I shouldn't worry about whether they don't like that genre of music or not.

[00:17:59] That's right.

[00:18:00] If I'm not bothering them.

[00:18:02] It's okay.

[00:18:03] The next one is being transparent.

[00:18:06] Otherwise we would say keeping it real keeping it 100 keep it 100 keep it a slight they say keep it a stack now keep it a stack.

[00:18:18] That means sharing your thoughts, your feelings, your opinions openly while maintaining that respect and professionalism.

[00:18:29] It means communicating authentically without hiding your true perspective so that means you we've been both been in this situation.

[00:18:39] Working together and other places are working individually.

[00:18:43] We share stories with each other about how somebody will be in our office with us and they'll be chopping it up with us and.

[00:18:50] I'll be keen and laughing.

[00:18:52] I was gonna say key in it up.

[00:18:54] Yep.

[00:18:55] Yep.

[00:18:56] And just softening us up and say, oh, I agree with you.

[00:19:00] Oh yes.

[00:19:01] And then we get into another setting in front of everybody else in a meeting.

[00:19:06] Yeah.

[00:19:08] It goes to Okie do.

[00:19:09] Yes.

[00:19:10] You were just in the office my office you were just my bet you are my biggest fan 10 seconds ago.

[00:19:18] What happened now?

[00:19:19] Yeah, yeah and then you got to be careful with that.

[00:19:22] And but that ties back into being friends at work.

[00:19:26] Be careful how you approach those relationships right.

[00:19:29] That's what I'm so excited about all this.

[00:19:31] Yes.

[00:19:32] And I think it goes until the next point to.

[00:19:34] Yep.

[00:19:36] It's building genuine relationships, not genuine like.

[00:19:41] You read my mind.

[00:19:43] Genuine right.

[00:19:45] You know what I'm saying.

[00:19:47] So it's like fostering connections with your colleagues based on trust and mutual respect.

[00:19:55] It means you can trust your coworkers and you have mutual respect for them.

[00:20:00] It doesn't say anything in here about having to necessarily like them in every way.

[00:20:07] True.

[00:20:08] Alive.

[00:20:09] Alive.

[00:20:10] And having mutual respect to understand, okay, hey, I may not agree with some of the

[00:20:15] things you do outside or some of the things you do in the office or in your personal

[00:20:19] life.

[00:20:20] I trust that you can do your job and that you respect me as the person that I am.

[00:20:26] Right.

[00:20:27] So like, and for those genuine ones, like that means you invest on getting to know them

[00:20:31] on a certain level.

[00:20:32] It says personal love of here, but it doesn't mean that you have to go home.

[00:20:37] You see them outside of work.

[00:20:38] It could just be, hey, how's Jane and the kids?

[00:20:41] How's your kids?

[00:20:42] That's it.

[00:20:43] It's authentic.

[00:20:44] It's real, right?

[00:20:45] You have real concern.

[00:20:46] It's just not one of those blanket things like, how are you in the family?

[00:20:49] Oh, okay.

[00:20:50] Hey, I got some for the baby here you go.

[00:20:52] You know, you don't want that, you don't want that robotic response.

[00:20:55] Right.

[00:20:56] Yeah.

[00:20:57] Exactly.

[00:20:58] So that is about having genuine relationships and if you have genuine

[00:21:05] relationships, you're going to have bumps in the road where you may not

[00:21:08] agree.

[00:21:09] You and I have had our, our clashes where we was like, welcome.

[00:21:13] And we have to come back and realize, Hey, I respect you.

[00:21:16] I trust you.

[00:21:17] Yep.

[00:21:18] This is how we got to work this out.

[00:21:19] Yep.

[00:21:20] You know what I'm saying?

[00:21:21] It made me think about DMX as a clip out there of DMX saying when people

[00:21:27] show you who they are, trust them.

[00:21:29] Yeah, believe them.

[00:21:31] Believe them.

[00:21:32] And as that, when you approach any relationship, do that and especially

[00:21:37] at work because it's you want to be very careful about those relationships

[00:21:42] make sure it's genuine.

[00:21:44] And that's how you do it.

[00:21:46] Yeah, man.

[00:21:47] That's good.

[00:21:48] I like that.

[00:21:49] But the thing about being genuine also, yes, trust when they show you

[00:21:53] who they are, trust that, but also remember, especially like you and I

[00:21:58] have known each other for a while and we have this mutual respect

[00:22:01] and trust for each other.

[00:22:03] Like we, we get, we automatically know to give each other grace.

[00:22:09] There's times I could just be just talking your ear off and you're like,

[00:22:13] okay, well, all right.

[00:22:15] And you might do the same thing on me.

[00:22:17] And I, I, I, okay, got you.

[00:22:19] And it's not that we are disregarding each other.

[00:22:22] It was just, you gotta, sometimes you just want to agree on.

[00:22:25] Yeah.

[00:22:26] Yeah.

[00:22:27] Yeah.

[00:22:28] Yeah.

[00:22:29] Yeah.

[00:22:30] That's the beauty of it.

[00:22:31] We, well, it's a lot.

[00:22:34] We agree a lot too, but I think we're able to meet each other halfway a

[00:22:38] lot.

[00:22:39] You know what I mean?

[00:22:40] I think we compromise a lot because it's like, yeah, it's like,

[00:22:45] all right, cool.

[00:22:46] I can live with that.

[00:22:47] That's cool.

[00:22:48] Let's go, whatever.

[00:22:49] And that's, yeah, it takes time and it takes, and that's the

[00:22:53] thing, you know, you and I as a perfect example of all this,

[00:22:56] it took time as it should have and then through the year and

[00:23:00] it took effort on both parts.

[00:23:02] And that's what it's about.

[00:23:03] That's what it's about.

[00:23:04] And then, yeah.

[00:23:06] That's a genuine relationship.

[00:23:08] Exactly.

[00:23:09] And the point is you can be more authentic in these type of

[00:23:12] relationships.

[00:23:13] Yeah.

[00:23:14] So the next one, express your unique perspective.

[00:23:18] That means give your point of view because everybody thinks

[00:23:22] the same.

[00:23:23] You may describe something in a way that everybody registered

[00:23:27] with somebody else more better than I could.

[00:23:30] I may say something in a way that may be more digestible to

[00:23:34] somebody else than the way that you could.

[00:23:37] And that's okay because that's just our brand.

[00:23:40] And spoken that on one of our episodes are, it's about

[00:23:43] payroll about you being your own brand.

[00:23:46] Absolutely.

[00:23:47] That is basically your unique perspective.

[00:23:50] Yep.

[00:23:51] You know what I'm saying?

[00:23:52] It's valuable.

[00:23:53] The key point in here says unique insights that

[00:23:56] reflect your authentic self.

[00:23:58] Thank you for saying that.

[00:24:00] That's exactly right.

[00:24:02] So many folks are scared to say, just say what it made me think

[00:24:05] of is this time that I was talking about spam.

[00:24:09] The work at work.

[00:24:11] Oh, I had a coworker that lived in Hawaii.

[00:24:14] I think she was, I don't know if she was,

[00:24:16] I forget if she was born or it,

[00:24:17] but she was definitely raised there for a while.

[00:24:19] And Hawaii spam is like the meat of the country.

[00:24:22] You know what I'm talking about?

[00:24:24] It's like the national meat.

[00:24:26] You know what I mean?

[00:24:28] I'm joking, but spam and it's just,

[00:24:30] they have a thing there with it, right?

[00:24:32] So it would,

[00:24:33] and that situation is,

[00:24:36] I wasn't afraid to be like, yo,

[00:24:38] that was my part of,

[00:24:40] because oh,

[00:24:41] and then as we were talking about this,

[00:24:43] some of our other coworkers never had tasted spam.

[00:24:46] And I was just like, you know what?

[00:24:48] Consider yourself.

[00:24:49] Yeah.

[00:24:50] Because yeah,

[00:24:52] what I used to spread it and prod it.

[00:24:54] Yeah, the spreadable, the pod at me.

[00:24:56] Like people don't people.

[00:24:58] Well, I actually love them sandwiches,

[00:25:00] but people have never had that.

[00:25:02] And I was like, yo, consider yourself blessed, man.

[00:25:04] Like that's

[00:25:06] because it came from a different place.

[00:25:08] Right?

[00:25:09] I went to have my struggle was different than yours.

[00:25:11] But the point is,

[00:25:12] you know,

[00:25:13] I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.

[00:25:15] I'm not sure.

[00:25:16] I'm not sure.

[00:25:17] I'm not sure.

[00:25:18] That's not the point.

[00:25:19] I've been doing my job as a senior,

[00:25:21] but the point is,

[00:25:22] I wasn't it I wasn't scared to express that unique perspective

[00:25:25] that I had with spam,

[00:25:26] like spam represented a struggle for me.

[00:25:28] Whereas.

[00:25:30] My co worker who grew up on the Island.

[00:25:33] Just represented home.

[00:25:35] Yes.

[00:25:37] Yes,

[00:25:39] yes,

[00:25:41] and then it was like it was so awesome to connect in different

[00:25:44] ways and talking to somebody else.

[00:25:46] And I did have a beautiful group of people there that time because we were not afraid.

[00:25:54] We all came from different places and we weren't afraid like our boss made it a safe place

[00:25:59] for us.

[00:26:01] So that has.

[00:26:02] That's the perfect set way into the next one, man.

[00:26:06] See?

[00:26:07] Woo!

[00:26:08] We hit it tonight, baby.

[00:26:09] Go ahead.

[00:26:10] Embracing the vulnerability.

[00:26:11] Yes.

[00:26:12] Because you can come from different walks of life as you just said.

[00:26:16] Yeah.

[00:26:17] And you could have something in common but have totally different perspectives on it.

[00:26:23] And that's why you need to have, you need to have that openness.

[00:26:26] I still, another word for all of being vulnerable, having that vulnerability is having openness,

[00:26:34] right?

[00:26:35] You know what I'm saying?

[00:26:36] Yes, absolutely.

[00:26:37] That's what I think it is.

[00:26:38] It says allow yourself to be open and honest about your limitations, mistakes and areas

[00:26:43] that you need to grow in.

[00:26:46] This authenticity can foster trust and collaboration with your colleagues.

[00:26:50] So you being vulnerable and showing people that you're human.

[00:26:55] Hey, I need help too.

[00:26:56] I'm strong.

[00:26:57] I have bad days too.

[00:26:59] It helps you relate and be like, okay, Brian's not Superman.

[00:27:04] He's just like me.

[00:27:06] And I tell you what always does it for me is after I had gosh, I've had a child now for

[00:27:12] 20, almost 20 years and again, my wife helped me out with it.

[00:27:18] Like I would get it with teams and they would think I'm a hard ass.

[00:27:22] This guy said, dick, prick, damn.

[00:27:27] Bro, I bring my daughter to work or they would, I would have a situation where they

[00:27:31] see me interact with my daughter and they'd be like, oh, they would get a whole different

[00:27:36] perspective of me and it'd be like, oh snap.

[00:27:39] He's a dad.

[00:27:40] This guy's human.

[00:27:42] This guy is normal.

[00:27:43] Oh snap.

[00:27:44] He's just trying to run a good department actually.

[00:27:45] You know what I mean?

[00:27:46] He's not a prick.

[00:27:51] And I found better ways to manage.

[00:27:53] And again, man, I'm just like, I'm proud of myself for being on this journey of authenticity

[00:28:00] for a while.

[00:28:01] And it doesn't matter when you started it, right?

[00:28:04] Yeah.

[00:28:05] You could be.

[00:28:07] Yeah.

[00:28:08] That's the thing.

[00:28:09] Well, all the work in progress, right?

[00:28:10] You could be 50 right now, but still be struggling.

[00:28:13] I ain't 50.

[00:28:14] Yo, I'm not 50, bro.

[00:28:16] I didn't notch you to the listeners.

[00:28:19] You could be 50 right now and still be struggling with being authentic.

[00:28:24] Now's the time to be walking to that.

[00:28:27] You could be in your 20s and trying to find yourself.

[00:28:30] Now's the time to walk into that.

[00:28:32] The sooner you do it, the better.

[00:28:34] You know what I'm saying?

[00:28:36] I don't think that's too late.

[00:28:37] Right?

[00:28:38] Just like people are in their 60s, 70s, 80s getting a degree.

[00:28:42] Yeah.

[00:28:43] Right?

[00:28:44] Yeah.

[00:28:45] Because it's never too late going on to the next.

[00:28:46] The one we have three more.

[00:28:48] Be true to your values.

[00:28:49] Ensure that your actions align with your personal values and principles.

[00:28:55] Make choices that reflect your authentic self even when faced with challenging situations.

[00:29:02] Yup.

[00:29:03] So this could be the point where you want to maintain integrity.

[00:29:08] Right?

[00:29:09] You had that natural integrity in you, but you hold that back.

[00:29:16] You don't say anything.

[00:29:18] You don't step up because you don't want to be an outlier.

[00:29:23] You don't want to be different.

[00:29:25] You don't want to stand out from the crowd.

[00:29:27] You just want to be safe.

[00:29:29] Right?

[00:29:30] You and this is true.

[00:29:32] Go ahead.

[00:29:33] No, go ahead.

[00:29:34] I was going to say you helped me with one of the...

[00:29:36] This makes me think about something you helped me with.

[00:29:38] I don't know if you remember, but I was struggling with talking about Israel on payroll in the

[00:29:46] news and I was like, oh, I don't want folks to think it's too political or whatever.

[00:29:54] And you were like, well, Brian, what are you doing?

[00:29:55] I was like, oh man, it's important to me.

[00:29:57] I got friends from Israel, grew up in Queens.

[00:30:01] My good friends, Israeli.

[00:30:03] You were like, well, then do it.

[00:30:05] It's important to you.

[00:30:06] You connect.

[00:30:07] This is important.

[00:30:08] You know what I mean?

[00:30:09] It's true to your value.

[00:30:10] You know what I mean?

[00:30:11] So do it.

[00:30:12] And I did it and because you were like...

[00:30:14] I was like, yeah, you're right.

[00:30:15] No doubt.

[00:30:16] There's no malicious motivation for this.

[00:30:19] I just wanted to shout out my people.

[00:30:21] You know what I mean?

[00:30:22] Yeah.

[00:30:23] That's absolutely right, man.

[00:30:25] So be true to you.

[00:30:27] Just keep it real with yourself.

[00:30:29] Yeah, yeah.

[00:30:30] Like, hey, if you're not comfortable doing something...

[00:30:32] No, that's the first one, yeah.

[00:30:33] Yeah.

[00:30:34] If you're not comfortable doing something, that's okay.

[00:30:37] Yes.

[00:30:38] Look, you need to make that known.

[00:30:41] Yep.

[00:30:42] And basically in other words, have those boundaries for yourself and others, right?

[00:30:48] No is a complete sentence.

[00:30:50] Yes.

[00:30:51] Yes.

[00:30:52] Next one, I think is really important because it's not necessarily...

[00:30:57] It will benefit you, but it's an action thing that you have to do that involves other people.

[00:31:05] Yes, an intention.

[00:31:06] And that is practicing active listening.

[00:31:12] Practice active listening.

[00:31:13] So that means when you want to say something...

[00:31:17] So sometimes what I do and it's irritated previous partners that I've been with...

[00:31:23] What?

[00:31:24] What?

[00:31:25] Because they feel like I'm a therapist or something like that.

[00:31:29] No, but what I do is during conversations, especially tense ones...

[00:31:33] You taking notes?

[00:31:34] I'll write something down.

[00:31:36] Yeah.

[00:31:37] I'll write it down because I don't want to...

[00:31:39] Because their perception is, oh, you're trying to analyze me?

[00:31:41] No, I'm not.

[00:31:42] I'm writing down notes because I want you to be able to get all your thoughts out, say

[00:31:47] what you got to say.

[00:31:48] I'm writing...

[00:31:49] Because what you're saying is important to me.

[00:31:51] So I'm writing down what you say because I want to make sure I have an understanding

[00:31:55] because I may have questions about something and I don't want to interrupt you.

[00:31:58] So I'll write down what you're saying.

[00:32:00] And that's...

[00:32:01] So for me, that's practicing active listening.

[00:32:04] It's not always trying to get your point across because there's so many different

[00:32:08] times where somebody would say something and you were like, oh, and you got to...

[00:32:11] And you want to...

[00:32:12] You're just listening to respond.

[00:32:14] Yes.

[00:32:15] It's that need to respond.

[00:32:17] And it's just, okay, hey, let me just wait, make sure I have an understanding of what

[00:32:23] they're trying to say.

[00:32:24] And it's okay.

[00:32:26] And ask questions.

[00:32:28] Well, sometimes we feel like people are coming at us and we're just like, I got

[00:32:33] to defend myself.

[00:32:34] I'm always defensive.

[00:32:37] Even if I'm not showing it inside, I'm like, what?

[00:32:41] So it's ridiculous, bro.

[00:32:45] My wife is one of the biggest things, man.

[00:32:49] She's not your enemy, bro.

[00:32:53] And that was something that had to click in very recently, man.

[00:32:57] It's always growing, folks.

[00:32:59] We're always growing.

[00:33:01] This is gonna...

[00:33:02] These things can help you.

[00:33:03] This is more so we're talking about you in a professional setting, but this can also

[00:33:08] help you in your personal life as well.

[00:33:11] So I think it's important whatever method of active listening is good for you and

[00:33:18] those around you that you love or that you work with and trust.

[00:33:23] Practice that.

[00:33:25] Practice that because what I do in my relationship may not work for someone else in their

[00:33:31] relationships.

[00:33:33] Absolutely.

[00:33:34] Yeah.

[00:33:35] And it's trial and error too.

[00:33:37] It makes me think of that quote they have to say, we have two ears in one mouth because

[00:33:42] we should be listening twice as much as we speak.

[00:33:45] My mom is a woman of God and so there's a scripture that she always tells me that

[00:33:53] she always quotes be so to speak, quick to listen, quick to hear.

[00:33:59] Yes.

[00:34:00] I love that one too.

[00:34:01] I just got three examples of active listening because I was like, how do you do that though?

[00:34:06] So it says maintain eye contact, nodding and usual, verbal cues, reflective responses.

[00:34:13] Just three examples.

[00:34:15] That's all.

[00:34:16] Probably can get a ton more.

[00:34:17] The last one is just as huge as the other ones.

[00:34:20] Yes.

[00:34:21] It's biding your voice, speak up and assert yourself when necessary.

[00:34:26] Yes.

[00:34:27] I like that one.

[00:34:29] Sometimes people find and it might be because of childhood things, they feel like they have

[00:34:34] to say something to chime in to just.

[00:34:37] Oh my gosh.

[00:34:38] To be a part of the conversation or whatever.

[00:34:41] But when necessary and whether that's on a personal level or professional level, speak

[00:34:46] up.

[00:34:47] If you know that something is not right with the process, speak up.

[00:34:53] If you feel like the process as a payroll professional or a person is in general, you know that something

[00:34:59] could be done better.

[00:35:01] Speak up.

[00:35:02] Speak up.

[00:35:03] Communicate your thoughts and ideas with confidence.

[00:35:07] Yes.

[00:35:08] You know what you're talking about.

[00:35:10] You especially you've been in this game for a long time.

[00:35:13] You and I have decades or even if you're new but you're still killing the game.

[00:35:17] Yeah.

[00:35:18] Speak with confidence.

[00:35:19] Speak up and let your thoughts be known.

[00:35:22] And look, I have this can be easier said than done for some.

[00:35:27] I have three children and one of them is very outspoken and the other two are quiet.

[00:35:34] And they have a voice.

[00:35:36] They don't.

[00:35:38] They just don't choose to use it a lot.

[00:35:40] Use it when it's right.

[00:35:41] You know what I mean?

[00:35:42] And it's tough.

[00:35:43] I think it's easier said than done but it's true even if you're those folks who are

[00:35:47] quieter and don't speak a lot.

[00:35:49] You still have to know.

[00:35:50] You just got to know, hey, oh wait, this is I have to talk in this situation.

[00:35:54] I have to speak up in this situation.

[00:35:57] No.

[00:35:58] What was it when necessary?

[00:36:01] When necessary?

[00:36:02] I love those two words there, right?

[00:36:04] Because it's true.

[00:36:05] You don't need to speak too much.

[00:36:07] You don't need to write too much and not enough.

[00:36:11] No rights.

[00:36:12] Excuse me.

[00:36:15] Sometimes my son says a lot and I'm always telling him, yo, say less.

[00:36:21] You don't say him.

[00:36:22] So he has the voice.

[00:36:23] So it's and finding your voice could also mean that balance just because your

[00:36:30] normal with your voice can't be always high and you can't always be on 10, right?

[00:36:35] Yeah.

[00:36:36] You got to find that balance.

[00:36:38] Balance is key to life.

[00:36:40] Yes.

[00:36:41] Balance is key.

[00:36:42] Finding so finding your voice is also that as well as finding that balance.

[00:36:46] I find I learned from someone.

[00:36:48] I'm not going to name drop.

[00:36:52] He's famous in the music industry and I had the pleasure of being around him early on

[00:36:58] and I don't have a pleasure, but I met him.

[00:37:01] It was whatever.

[00:37:03] But he said he always spoke really softly because he made people when you speak softly

[00:37:09] is a concept that you have to be intentional about listening because you're speaking

[00:37:13] softly.

[00:37:14] So the person is like, whoa, shit.

[00:37:16] What is he saying?

[00:37:18] He uses that trick.

[00:37:19] Folks are, you know what I mean?

[00:37:20] That's his voice though, because he's going to make you listen.

[00:37:25] Yeah.

[00:37:25] Whereas you're too loud people will blur you out real quick.

[00:37:29] My wife tells me right all the time like I hit a certain tone.

[00:37:33] We should all him in a mall.

[00:37:35] You know what I mean?

[00:37:37] So that's its balance, man.

[00:37:38] Yeah, that's a good one.

[00:37:40] Absolutely.

[00:37:40] So at the end of the day, if you're struggling with being authentic,

[00:37:46] there's different tools, there's different sources out there.

[00:37:49] Make sure they're credible, not just some Joe Small or Jane Small or who small on

[00:37:57] on social media or the internet trying to give you bad advice or their opinion.

[00:38:02] There's some credible people out there you can get information from and you can

[00:38:06] learn how to and how you get better is practicing is doing.

[00:38:12] That's how you get better.

[00:38:13] You just won't magically get better overnight.

[00:38:15] I talk to myself a lot.

[00:38:18] You know what I mean?

[00:38:19] And the jury, that's work and out loud sometimes.

[00:38:25] And I also have conversations with people out loud.

[00:38:28] Right.

[00:38:29] Like a mock conversation before the conversation so I can practice what I'm going to say.

[00:38:36] You know what I mean?

[00:38:36] And that's the part of putting it in practice, right?

[00:38:39] That's a part of doing the work to become better.

[00:38:44] I have affirmations every day.

[00:38:46] You know what I'm saying?

[00:38:47] So like whatever you need to in order to sort of come and walk in your true authenticity.

[00:38:53] Yes, people are going to respect that.

[00:38:55] You don't have to be perfect.

[00:38:56] You don't have to be perfect.

[00:38:58] No, no one's perfect.

[00:38:59] You just have to keep trying to get better.

[00:39:01] Keep treating others with respect and understand that you have to be vulnerable

[00:39:06] and open during this process as well.

[00:39:08] And you'll succeed.

[00:39:10] Just keep trying.

[00:39:12] I wonderfully said, man, I you said perfect a few times in this show

[00:39:19] because you said you don't have to be perfect.

[00:39:20] Right? Not that to be perfect, but.

[00:39:23] And I've been working on this.

[00:39:24] I don't know if it's like just a quote or a poem or so.

[00:39:27] I don't know.

[00:39:28] But it was like something about love is about the imperfections

[00:39:36] because who would ever tolerate someone who's perfect.

[00:39:42] Right.

[00:39:42] Just think about that.

[00:39:43] If you are perfect, you'd be annoying.

[00:39:46] You know what I mean?

[00:39:47] Because it's the imperfections that we love about each other.

[00:39:51] It's the imperfections that you fall in love with about other people

[00:39:55] and then gravitate to other people.

[00:39:57] It's their vulnerability.

[00:39:59] Right? It's their authenticity.

[00:40:01] Yeah, that's what makes the connection.

[00:40:03] So if there's no such thing as perfection, it's the strife of it.

[00:40:08] It's the journey to it.

[00:40:09] Yeah, that pursuit of it.

[00:40:11] That is the that is the life that is what it is.

[00:40:16] Right? It's not the destination.

[00:40:17] It's the journey we're in.

[00:40:19] Yeah. So it's right.

[00:40:20] There's no there's no perfect man.

[00:40:22] There's no perfect.

[00:40:24] Even though I said perfect, perfectly said.

[00:40:27] Perfectly say where is perfect for perfect.

[00:40:29] Yeah.

[00:40:31] Yeah, that spot on man.

[00:40:33] And you know, should go on folks.

[00:40:36] Tell us if you want to reach out to us and.

[00:40:40] And just share stories and ask us things that we've done

[00:40:46] to try to become more authentic with ourselves and other people.

[00:40:50] Reach out.

[00:40:51] We're open books.

[00:40:53] We'll tell you about our different struggles from a professional

[00:40:56] and even a personal standpoint.

[00:40:58] So let us know and we'll connect with you and do what we got to do.

[00:41:04] Where this is all a process.

[00:41:06] Yeah.

[00:41:07] Being human is a process.

[00:41:10] Yeah, so I go back to perfect, but I think practice makes perfect.

[00:41:13] No, practice makes progress.

[00:41:16] Yes, that's it.

[00:41:18] Yeah, because again, you're never going to hit that.

[00:41:21] There's no such thing.

[00:41:23] Only when it comes to math, I think it's like when we ask

[00:41:26] us a perfect right angle at 90 degrees.

[00:41:29] Not good.

[00:41:31] That's the only way it applies to me as an absolute.

[00:41:35] So any who I'm going, I'm starting a new show already here.

[00:41:38] Guys know we're trying to wrap this up.

[00:41:40] Trying to wrap it up and I'm going drifting away.

[00:41:45] Yeah, so that's it, man.

[00:41:46] Yes, that's a wrap.

[00:41:48] That's a wrap.

[00:41:49] Thank you, folks.

[00:41:50] Don't call switch.

[00:41:52] Yeah.

[00:41:54] Keep it a stack.

[00:41:56] Yes.

[00:42:00] All right, man.

[00:42:01] All right.

[00:42:02] Thanks for joining us, folks.

[00:42:03] We love you.

[00:42:05] Later.

[00:42:05] Peace.

[00:42:07] Before we sign off, here are a couple quick things.

[00:42:10] Don't forget to follow it's about payroll on LinkedIn

[00:42:13] and it's about your paycheck on Facebook and TikTok.

[00:42:17] Thank you for being part of our payroll community

[00:42:20] and thank you for being a part of this journey with us.

[00:42:23] Until the next time, keep learning, keep growing

[00:42:26] and most importantly, keep going.