Bless Your Heart or Watch Your Back? The Real Meaning Behind Secret Slights

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[00:00:31] Welcome back, folks. This is episode 57 of It's About Your Paycheck, but it's gonna, it's a takeover. We're doing It's About People today. And before we get into it all, what's up, Walt? What's up, man? Happy day to you. I'm good over here. How about you, man?

[00:00:51] I'm good, man. I'm excited about this one. Just, you know, again, talking about just, you know, because we are people as well. From day one, like, you know, we came up with, well, you came up with the acronym IAP, and then it evolved into, you know, it's not only about payroll, it's about people. Yeah. And that's always been there. And then, you know, I think we both just kind of went back and forth with like, oh, man, we got to talk about, let's talk about other stuff. Let's talk about more stuff. I think I was irritating you with that for a little bit. Like, let's talk about it.

[00:01:21] You definitely, not irritating, but I was just like, we can't. What do you mean? We can't. Like, this is not it. We're doing payroll. Like, I just, I didn't find, I didn't see where it fit in yet. Yeah, yeah. Right? It took, it took, what, three years to figure out. Yeah, no, I get it. Right? And I just hit Walt the other day, and I was like, Walt. Hey, I was like, I don't think we have the time, but it would be good to do the people show.

[00:01:47] And you came up with a good idea. You were like, Walt, let's just take one of our episodes and just do it on our show. And I was like, you know what? That's a good idea. This show, it's about your paycheck. It's for the masses, so it makes more sense to do it here. We share this show on the payroll platform anyway. Like, so this is the show. This is the platform to do it on. Yep. You see, as we have IEP right here, you know, it's about people as well. So, yeah, man, I'm excited about it.

[00:02:15] You know, one of the things, and I'll start off, one of the things that we got going is a self-care mental, oh, no, this is, oh, this is new. This is not the financial challenge. This is new, yeah, yeah. Well, you got, all right, well, talk me through this now. So, look, you know, we wanted to talk about people, and one of the things that we're both big on is mental wellness and self-care. Even those around us that love us, our friends or family are big on that, right, about making sure that everybody's good. So I wanted to be transparent. This is our first type of show doing this.

[00:02:44] So I wanted to say, I want to ask you a question and see if you were okay being vulnerable with the people. And say, like, you usually are, and I usually am too. Yeah. And say, like, hey, where have you approved and or struggled recently? Okay. I like that. In terms of self-care or mental wellness. Yeah. If you're okay sharing it. No, I am. Well, I just got to gauge how much I can share.

[00:03:15] I think it's finding that balance. Like, I just, one of the things I've been struggling with is where I'm at in, at my age. Right. And, I don't know. And I had called it out early on. I was like, it's not a midlife crisis. It's a midlife reevaluation. Calibration. And, yeah, like that recalibration. Because I'm not breaking down crisis mode.

[00:03:45] You know, it's not where I'm at. But it's just like an assessment. It's like, all right, well, what am I doing? What do I need to change? I don't want to get stuck in old habits. It's, you know, one of the things that I really work on a lot is how I engage with my family. Right. With my daughters and my son. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:04:11] So, with that, and, you know, I literally have a note, like a little post-it that I taped down right here on my desk. And it says, speak softly. Yeah. Because I tend to, you know, just where I'm from and not only am I from New York and Latino, New Yorican from New York, we're like just naturally loud and naturally aggressive. And then you have a voice that carries too.

[00:04:40] And then I have a voice that carries. Exactly. My wife would always be like, yo, you need an inside voice. So, and I'm like, what are you talking about? And that's something. And so, I still struggle with that, you know, engaging with them. And as a parent, I don't know if this is mental well, but that's my, that's the, yeah. So, self-care. Yeah. I need to get, we're talking self-care.

[00:05:06] I need to, I'm trying to figure out how to work exercise into my regular schedule. I haven't been able to do that. I was doing it for a while and I just fell off. And then, so I need to get myself back on track. What about you? So, for me, thank, first of all, thank you for sharing that. Yeah. You know, being transparent about those things and opening up a little bit of your life and what you've experienced. And I'm sure it can help someone out there. And look, for me, I'll start with the self-care piece. You know, I've been working out.

[00:05:35] I haven't missed a week so far. The frequency of days may fluctuate. Like one week I'll do three. The next week I'll maybe do four. So, one week I may do two. You know, but I still have hit, you know, working out every week. Right? So, that's the self-care part that I love that I'm getting back to because I love how I feel. And I'm not getting as sore anymore as I used to and everything like that. But the mental wellness piece I can speak to.

[00:06:04] And, you know, I think everybody goes through that, right? You know, because I had high expectations for myself and for my life, you know, and I thought I would be in a different place by the age of 42 going on 43 this year. And I wanted to, you know, thought I was going to hurl my life that, oh, you're going to be a multi-millionaire. You're going to be wealthy. You're going to be a multi-millionaire. You're going to be wealthy and this and that.

[00:06:27] And it hasn't manifested for me yet, but, you know, I think that it's those expectations that I was expecting for myself that haven't happened yet. And I have to understand that it's okay that I'm still on the path I need to be on. I just may need to change my thought process a little bit. And I used to hate on others. Just being real, I used to hate on other people on TV.

[00:06:56] Like, I'll see these athletes balling out of control and making money and making silly mistakes and still going out there to be able to get their millions of dollars, you know, contract and stuff like that. And just like, man, like, you know, I'm talented and this and that. What do I mean? You know, just being a hater for no reason. Especially in my younger days. I've grown out of that and changed that. But for a long time, that's a place that I was at. And I had to change my mindset. And really say, hey, good for them.

[00:07:25] And be appreciative for their experience. Because just because somebody has all the money in the world doesn't mean they have happiness or peace. It doesn't even mean that their life is their own. Yep. Because their life is exposed to the world. When you're an athlete, like, you want privacy. When you're a celebrity. When you're a celebrity, you want peace and quiet and stuff like that. And so I think that's for me, you know, some of the places that I've improved with self-care.

[00:07:50] Some of the places that I need to continue to work on because it's not like I've arrived. You know, I still have my days where I'm just like, man, dang, like, am I, did I make the right choice for my career? Did I, you know, make the right choice by deciding against going to school to get a degree for myself? You know, should I go back to school? You know, those are different things.

[00:08:15] And I think it's all part of mental wellness because there's a little bit, I don't know how I graduated high school because of, you know, because I wasn't paying attention. It's called social promotion. That's how you graduated. I always, I always, I always, I always, I always did well on tests and stuff. I didn't have to study hard. Yeah. I didn't have to study hard or anything like that. But like, I hated that. I hated that guy.

[00:08:41] You know, I would just do like a 15 minute thing before the test and pass it. And it's just like, yeah, I know. But I just, I just had a lot of stuff going on as a kid back then. Right. So normally like, like really just going deep in here, but just wanted to share this mental wellness piece about it. Right. And just say like, Hey, we're all human.

[00:09:04] We all have to, this, this thing is a, it's a process that we're in. Life is a process. Right. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Yes. Yes. Yes. You know, and, um, that's something that we have to realize is that. What happens when employees behave badly? Boy, we could, we could do an entire, uh, TV show, uh, maybe, maybe a Netflix special on that.

[00:09:33] Well, Ryan and I sat down and recorded episodes for Fama and we asked practitioners, give us your most outrageous story. You know, the sales leader that brings cocaine to work, you know, whatever, just bring us the outrageous. And it is funny. So if you need a laugh, which we all do from time to time, search for workplace misconduct, uh, wherever you get your podcast and you'll find it.

[00:10:01] And trust me, you will laugh and cry, but you'll definitely laugh. All right. Thank you. We, we got to just keep running. We just got to keep running, you know? Yeah. So I, man, um, I have a quick article and I think you're going to like this one and say scientific, and I know you like scientific stuff, you know, science proof stuff, but it said that the greatest genre of music of all time is what? Hip hop. Hip hop. No way. Yes.

[00:10:31] Look at the article that I posted there. It says scientists just determined the most important, uh, influential, uh, genre of music of all time. And it's hip hop. Wow. Yeah. So it was an article that's out there. I thought it would be, it was really fascinating for me. I thought you would love it. Uh, so it said, it said, I didn't, I'm not gonna go into all of it, but it said one of the reasons that hip hop is widespread because now you see so many people doing it, right?

[00:10:58] You see so many people that are influenced by, I see on Tik TOK, these old British guys rapping and you know, I see, I see, you know, different Kendrick Lamar to your point. Like there's a Kendrick Lamar challenge now out there, you know, where restaurants and employees doing, doing the Kendrick Lamar little dance, little walk he was doing at the Superbowl. Right.

[00:11:22] And so it said that, um, that the reason that hip hop was being so, uh, so influential is because of the new sounds that it brought to music. Think about it. Yeah. But like before hip hop, nobody ever had ever heard some of the sounds. Now it's influenced every genre. Every other pop sounds like hip hop is yes. Some country sounds hip hop is yes. You know what I'm saying?

[00:11:48] Like it's just like, yeah, just even the emergence of black and Brown people in country music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That I'd love to see it. Not Beyonce. Y'all there's some real, I'm not trying to diss her at all, but I'm sorry. She won country album of the year. So any who? Yeah. That's dope. Yeah. That's dope. Yeah. So check it out. Y'all will be in the show notes. I'm definitely going to check that one out.

[00:12:15] Now mine is, um, and let me put the, let me put this in the show notes here. Cause we were talking about mental wellness and, um, just from like the employee piece of it all. Um, cause we still, we still talk about wellbeing, like just wellbeing and whatnot. So it says 60, 63% of employers now rank enhancing wellbeing programs as a top priority. Wow.

[00:12:41] So yeah, a lot of, a lot of companies are recognizing that it's more important. I think, you know, we, we mentioned Gen Z in one of these conversations and, you know, I think Gen Z are really maybe even millennials. I think it starts in the millennials where we just kind of, not we, but millennials and Gen Z are demanding different experiences. And we, me and you come from a generation where it's like, be happy you got a job for people.

[00:13:11] You know what I mean? Whereas the new generations are like, you'd be happy that I'm even working here. Yep. I don't like this job. I'm out. I'm out. You know? And I like that. Not that because I think folks needed to recognize that human, you know, the human piece of it. And if you don't take care of your folks. People started to push back, right? This generation started to push back. You know what? Because speaking to that CEO that I spoke about on the other show, right? About how he said, Hey, you're just another butt in the seat to me.

[00:13:41] Yep. Basically right. To that employer, to that person. And then, you know, the employee or people were like, Hey, I can go get another job. I can go get, I'm a hustler. I'm from New York. Like Brian, I'm going to get paid. You know what I'm saying? So like, there's lots of people out there that have made that decision. So it's good to see because they had that bravery, right?

[00:14:02] Because there were a lot of people that I've come into in my life and career that were scared to take that step to leave because they were so invested. So they're like, Hey, I haven't gotten a pay raise in a couple of years, but you know. I've been here so long. Yeah. I know folks like that too. They've been there and they won't leave. I mean, yeah.

[00:14:26] And it's, it's, I hope they treated well because it's, it's a rarity to find folks at jobs for so long. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, this, this segment, man. So I got another quick segment for you here. It's only five minutes. So it's called prove me wrong. All right. So my argument is that we are better off without a large group of friends. Who me wrong?

[00:14:53] Well, I think the, what makes it hard to prove you wrong or where I could argue is friends, right? I think if you're being loose with that term, then no, I could argue that a large group of friends is important just in networking and in life and having a friend group to lean on for. Of course. Yes. Naturally, you'd be closer to some than others. For sure. Yeah. Right.

[00:15:23] Better off for a large group of friends. I don't, you know, I don't, I don't know if I subscribe to it. I mean, cause I think it's, I think age has something to do with it too. When you're young. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of folks like group, you know, you like a lot of friends is important, but as we get older, it's less important. And, you know, lose touch and you realize it's so easy to lose touch. And you realize that life goes on. We weren't aligned in some of our morals and values.

[00:15:54] Yeah. And, you know, you know, they're anti-vaxxers and we're back. Yeah. Just to name one difference. Yeah, exactly. We're better off without a large group of friends. So that's your statement. You're like, no. Yeah. And you believe that. Yeah. I do. I do. I think, I think we need a, I think you need to be very selective about who you let into your life. Because I think the more people that you consider friends. I think that's the key word friends.

[00:16:23] And you let them into your life, the more exposed you are. Because the more people you have in your life, the more friends you have in your life, the more people you have as potential haters or blockers or whatever I'd like to. No doubt. In my opinion. Maybe that's because I'm jaded from experience, but look. No, experience. And that's why I said it's different with age. Because like when you're young and you haven't been burned by people as much. Yeah. You're like, oh, my friends. I know my.

[00:16:51] You kind of value your self-worth is like based on your friend group. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And that's something that I have learned and struggled with through the years. Because my younger years, like my family at one point was so social. Right? Yeah. Like we always, you know. Everybody hung out. Yes. Everybody hung out. And we always invited friends into the family and things like that. And, you know, it was such a big part of my youth and growing up. Yeah.

[00:17:20] That I thought that that was the key. Right? And I thought that was so important. And, you know, throughout life I made bad decisions because I was like, oh, it's more important to do this with the friends group. It's more important to do, you know, have friends and be social. And it's not the case because, you know. Yeah. Look, people change. Like, look, I used to hang out with my cousins a lot. We went to the same church, same religious groups and stuff like that.

[00:17:49] And we would usually go hang out at my uncle's house and just be us there. And it was that closeness for a lot of times in our teenage years. And as we grew older, you know, like certain choices I made, certain choices they made, you know, you grow apart, you know, and things happen. And the next thing you know, like, you're not as close as you used to be. And I used to feel hurt about stuff like that.

[00:18:14] But then until I was on the other side of it, right, until I was the one that made somebody else feel hurt. And it's just like, well, I thought, you know, I didn't know you felt like that. I didn't know, you know, it is what it is. And so then I had to understand, like, it's a part of life and people may come and go, whether that's friends or family. And so that's why I also think that you should not have a large group of friends because you could avoid some of that, too.

[00:18:41] Not that I'm trying to avoid the hurt or whatever or the pain, but it's just like, you know, you might some people are in your life for a season and others are for life. Yeah. Season, reason or lifetime. Yes, sir. Yeah. All right, man. And before we get into it, man, let's pay some bills. All right. So as you're setting ambitious goals for 2025, remember that a well-organized team is the foundation for success.

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[00:19:57] In just minutes, you'll be on your way to increased productivity, reduced payroll errors, improved employee satisfaction, and more time to focus on what matters most. And that's what we're here to talk about today. What matters most, right? But before that, don't let time tracking become a burden. Let Time Track Go simplify your life and help you achieve your goals in 2025. Like Walt said, we want to thrive in 2025. And visit...

[00:20:26] A wise man said, we want to thrive in 2025. A weathered man said. A weathered man. So visit www.timetrackgo.com. That is timetrackgo.com. Let's go. Let's go. All right, man. All right. So today's topic is...

[00:20:54] You know, is it a compliment or a concern? And so I really wanted to talk about this one. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, I really want to know what prompted this. Because we were talking about a bunch of other topics. And I was like... And none of them were bad. But this one was new. So I'm like, does something prompt this? Can you share what prompted it? Let me see. What prompted it? I was...

[00:21:21] It was something that I think I experienced personally. Okay. And wanted to just talk about it. Like, and say like, hey, you know... Not recently. But something I just thought about. And so I had a thought about it. I was just like... Well, man. Like... This person said this. But they really had a hidden agenda. Mm-hmm. Right? And it was just like... Dang. Like... So... Was it really a compliment? Or was it really them trying to manipulate?

[00:21:51] And... You know... Whatever. And really telling me how they really felt... Felt about the situation. Or about this. Or about that. You know what I'm saying? So... Are you... Are you... Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, I was going to say... Are you able to give an example? But I could give an example. I got a perfect example. Okay. Go for it. Look, example, right? And this is why you should keep a small circle of friends. So like... Look. And... You know, I was dating somebody in the military. And...

[00:22:19] Have you ever been to a webinar where the topic was great, but there wasn't enough time to ask questions or have a dialogue to learn more? Well, welcome to HR and Payroll 2.0, the podcast where those post-webinar questions become episodes. We feature HR practitioners, leaders, and founders of HR, payroll, and workplace innovation and transformation sharing their insights and lessons learned from the trenches. We dig in to share the knowledge and tips that can help modern HR and payroll leaders navigate the challenges and opportunities ahead. So join us.

[00:23:22] This guy. This guy gave the compliment to me about the person I was... The woman I was dating at the time. And he basically was like, man. Man. That's a good girl right there. You know? You got to keep an eye on her. I knew it. It's just like, man. Like... Why would you say that? Keep an eye on you. Nah. You got to keep an eye on her. You got to keep an eye on her. And then come to find out...

[00:23:49] Because I worked in a different area of the military at the time. She worked somewhere else. And so kind of find out... He was trying to... You know... I can't say... I can't say... I'm going to say the clean version. Because the kids today say something else. So I was going to say what the kids say. But he was trying to get at her. Okay. Three hours away. What did the kids say? What you going to say? Well, they said... They're trying to... He was trying to fuck on your girl. Fuck on your girl. Dang.

[00:24:19] Yeah. I mean... Yeah. They... The slang... And see, that's another part where... Like, I feel old. Because I hear the slang. And I'm like... Yeah. I can't connect to it. I just want to talk regular English. Yeah. Like, my son's age is Sigma. And Riz. Yeah. And... I like Diablo. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you do. But... Yeah, man. No. So that's my example. What example do you have?

[00:24:48] Well, it made me think of... I don't have... It made me think of a bunch of things. So... Yeah. It makes me think of how... How Southerners... Bless your heart. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's not really a compliment in all... It depends... It's like one of those things... Like how New Yorkers be like, You good? You good could mean so many different things. I think bless your heart could... You good could be a compliment... Or not. Or a threat. You know what I mean? So...

[00:25:17] Compliment or not. Yeah. So it made me think of that. And... Yeah. Because like that bless your heart thing... Could be like, oh my God. It's like genuine sympathy. Right. Or it could be like... Or it could be like... You're a dumbass. Contempt. Like, yeah. You're a dumbass. You're condemning them like... Oh, bless your heart. You're so... Right. Right. And it made me think of something my uncle... Used to say... May he rest in peace. He used to... Used to say, you know... When people joke around...

[00:25:47] You know when people joke... And he would just say... There's truth in that joke. And be careful... How people joke with you. Because there's truth in those jokes. Right? There's a... You know where there's smoke... There's fire type of deal. You know what I mean? And, you know... Like, how we laugh at jokes hard... Because there's a truth in connection to it. You know... It may be... The joke may be... Dissing somebody else. It may be... You know... Be framed as a compliment... Yeah. Or whatever.

[00:26:17] Right? But it's not. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So... All right. All right. So... So what else you got here? So look... I have some stats... And some information about compliments... Versus hidden agendas, right? In personal relationships. So... In personal interactions... The authenticity of compliments... Can greatly influence... You know... Trust and emotional connections, right? So there are some studies out there... That revealed that... About 20 to 30% of compliments... In personal settings...

[00:26:46] In personal settings... Are perceived... Such as seeking approval... Approval or manipulating... Emotions of the situation, right? And so... You know... So... It says that... It's perceived by that... The receiver of the compliment... Like... Okay. So that... 20 to 30% of people are like... You know... Are you really... Is that what you really mean? Right. Are you trying to... Is that a dig? You know what I'm saying? Like... You know... Whatever. You're being funny. Yeah. Yeah. Like how people are like... Oh, nice shirt. Yeah. Wait.

[00:27:16] Yeah, yeah. You're being funny or... Yeah, you're being funny. You're being serious. Like... And look... Some of that could be... Because of our own defensiveness... Our own things... Like... You know... We have our own things... And some of it could be... You know... You really just want to check... And see if the source is calling you out... Or taking a shot at you. Right? Mm-hmm. And so... Genuine compliments are categorized... As by their specificness... And the alignment with... The individual's traits and actions. Right? So in contrast... Compliments with hidden agendas...

[00:27:44] May appear overly flattering... Or inconsistent... With the giver's usual behavior. So like... It's over the top. Yes. Who doesn't compliment... All of a sudden is complimenting. Being over the top. Yes, bro. Yeah. Yeah. So... You want to do number two? Yeah, sure. Statistics on compliments. Oh, this is... I'll always love the statistics. So a survey found that 65% of individuals...

[00:28:11] Have received compliments that felt insincere. Wow. Causing them the question... The giver's true intentions. Around 40% of people admit... To giving compliments... With the aim of achieving... A personal benefit... Such as improving their social standing... Or mending a strained relationship. And then research also indicates... That 70% of people... Value compliments more... When they come from trusted sources... Or are accompanied by genuine actions.

[00:28:41] So think about that. Like... I like that. For the second one that you read... Around 40% of people... Admit it... To giving compliments... With trying to get a leg up. Yep. Like... Having some... Hitting agenda, basically. Right? You know, like... Yeah. I don't think about that. You had that one... And I hate to keep harping on the same example... But you had that one friend... That is... You know... Your boy... Or your girl... Or whatever... Your person in your life... And... They... Know you're having issues at home...

[00:29:10] With your significant other... Mm-hmm. And... Because you've been to them... Stuff... And like... Hey... You're my confidant. I'm telling you what's going on... And the next thing you know... That person's like... Oh... All right. Yeah. Well, she fine. Or he fine. Or they fine. Or whatever. So... Let me just slide over here... And try to get what I want. And then next thing you know... Something's going on. Yeah. So there's somebody sliding into the DMs... And... You know... It's true. It's true. Like... Nah. I get it.

[00:29:39] And I think that's why it's important to set boundaries. Right? And... You know... Maybe address those disingenuous compliments. Right? Do you feel like... You should call somebody out on... A disingenuous compliment? I don't know. I think you gotta... Like... Like... Like... You know... If you're... If your spidey senses go up... You know... If your gut... Your intuition is telling you it's not sincere... Because what did it say?

[00:30:09] 65% of individuals have received compliments that felt insincere. Yeah. So... That's more often than not. You know what I mean? So... If that's how you feel... Then... You make note of it. I don't think you always have to call it out. You gotta see how the relationship plays out. Is it a new relationship? Is it an old relationship? You know... I think... I don't know if this is in here... But... You know... I think...

[00:30:38] Opposite sexes have to be careful how they compliment each other. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I mean... Even same sex, but... I think... Yeah? Because you're gonna make somebody feel some type of way that way too. You can. Yeah, you can. I'm like... Those are nice pants you have on, Brian. Depending how that goes. Like... That's the same. I'm like... You know... You can say that to a female too. That's how nice to stand you have on. We can't say it like that, Walt.

[00:31:09] I know, bro. That's why I did it. You can't say it like that, man. You can't say it like that. But see... But there is no right or wrong way to say it. You know... I don't know, bro. I... Let me ask you this. So we're talking about... I know there's another thing here and you end it off, but we still... Man, we had time. But do you... How do you use compliments? Like, do you... Are you conscious of it? I... Yes. I'm usually trying to be... Oh, really?

[00:31:36] I usually try to be consistent with everyone that I interact with. Male or female. And I tell them, keep shining. Or you're awesome. You're a superstar. But is that compliment or is that... Yes. That's a compliment. Like, some sort of praise or compliment. Yeah. Tell somebody they're a superstar. Like, telling somebody, like, hey, you're awesome. Like, I think... To me, I take... I would... I would take that... Okay. I would take that as a compliment, right?

[00:32:05] I think you frame it very well, though. You frame it more as encouragement. Like, positive encouragement. Yeah. You know... So... And I frame it around that, right? And I try to make sure that I stay in that bubble. Because... Because... You gotta be careful these days. For what you say. About... To people or about people. You get canceled real quick. Yeah. Because, like... I know... I know what... There was one time in my own personal life. Where I commented on somebody's hair.

[00:32:35] And... She felt some type of way. I was like, oh, did you do your hair? Did you... Did you cut your hair? Did you do something with your hair? And that's it. I didn't touch her hair. I wasn't... Right. You didn't touch her. Right. I didn't reach out and touch her or anything like that. I didn't... I didn't do anything like that. And... And then she just got mad over you. She still felt some type of way. Yeah. Really? I didn't feel comfortable. And they called me in the HR. It's like, well... You just... No, she's not... She's not... She doesn't want to do anything. She just... Didn't feel comfortable. I'm just like... She didn't like your ass. That's all I was.

[00:33:05] She didn't like your ass. I mean... I don't say no to her. You don't go all... I know. But something... She didn't like something about you. Because... Yeah. Like... Most people would not have gone all out their way to bring you into HR police. You know what I mean? I didn't... I didn't know her story. So, at the time, I was pissed off. I don't know what happened to the lady, man. Like... Who knows? Something could happen to her in life. I know that's me being like... Whatever. You're so graceful. You're so graceful.

[00:33:35] Like... Ah... Yeah. Yeah. I honestly don't compliment a lot. Especially at work. Yeah. Because I think it's just a safer way to go. Unless I'm... You know... Yeah. I use it super sparingly. Because then I feel like... Then you are gonna... I feel like the other person is gonna be like... Oh, that's more genuine. Because he never compliments. So... You know... It's more of a genuine thing. You know...

[00:34:05] I mean... I just... Well... Well, that's... That's kind of opposite of what the thing said. It's the opposite. Yeah. Because it said... If the person never gives a compliment... And then all of a sudden they give it... Then it'll be taken like it's not genuine. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not me. When I give it... Because I do what? Actually, you know... But I just try to curb myself at work. You know what I mean? I get it. That's it. I get it. Look, that may be the smart thing. Look, I don't give it to everybody. I don't say it to everybody. Like I've said it... Even though...

[00:34:34] Like even the way you say it. Keep shining. You're awesome. You know? Like I don't know. I feel like that's a... I think it's positive talk. Encouragement and talk. I don't know. Maybe I'm just seeing the leadership in you that... I've said it to people in the C-suite. Like, hey, keep shining. No doubt. No doubt. Look, look. Because I'm like... That's true. I'm going to say it to everybody. Right. So nobody can say like, hey... Walt said it to me and, you know... He meant it this way. No, I... Like everybody... Everybody can get that. Keep shining. Everybody can get...

[00:35:04] Everybody can get it. All right. So let's cover the last point here. You want to... Before we close it out. I'm sorry to cut you. So we covered number three? Which one? Setting boundaries. Yeah. We talked about setting boundaries and a compliment. Calling somebody out on it and stuff like that. Maybe we didn't get into the boundaries part. No, no, no. You... Yeah. I guess bound... Because I didn't hear the word boundaries. That's cool. Yeah. So look... Yeah. I guess you do have to set boundaries, right? Like because when it comes to paying compliments...

[00:35:33] Because look... And you have to have respect. You have to... There has to be respect. Because look... Brian and I have known each other. I know Brian's family. I know his wife. I know his kids. I know his mom. I know his mother-in-law. I know them, right? Yeah. But there's a certain line that can't be crossed. Like I... That from my viewpoint... That I should never cross with Brian or anybody outside of Brian. You know what I'm saying? Like I shouldn't like say like...

[00:36:02] You know, I might say give his mom a compliment or whatever. You know, because of how she sees me. But like anybody else... I need to tread lightly with that. Right? Right? Because it's all females in my family. Yes. Other than my son, it's just all... Yes, bro. Surrounded. But even still... Even with the little ones. Male or female or not. Yeah. Like I have to tread lightly with the compliments that I give. And use wisdom with those things.

[00:36:31] Because like... It can either be a compliment. Or it could seem like I'm being covetous. Like I want what you got. Yeah. I wouldn't. I don't take it that way. You know what I'm saying? Like... But I know you don't because you know the rapport we have. But... Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what's going on in somebody else's head. Hey, everybody. I'm Lori Rudiman. What are you doing? Working? Nah. You're listening to a podcast about work. And that barely counts.

[00:37:00] So while you're at it, check out my show, Punk Rock HR. Now on the Work Defined Network. We chat with smart people about work, power, politics, and money. Are we succeeding? Are we fixing work? Probably not. Work still sucks. But tune in for some fun, a little nonsense, and a fresh take on how to fix work once and for all.

[00:37:55] You know what I'm saying? So like for me, that's just how I feel about it. Like me and Brian have those boundaries. Okay. So I think I could talk about this. What happened with me and you in Orlando. Right? I used to communication. I'm a touchy person. Right? I'm like, oh yeah, bro. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I didn't know that Brian was having a reaction to that. Because a lot of times he didn't say nothing. Until one time he just like kind of just popped off and we had an exchange.

[00:38:25] And I was just like, bro, what the? Yo, what's the reality? I've been doing that for so long. What the hell, man? And so he finally said something to me about it. Now, the way that we handled it, maybe we could have done it a little bit better. Or maybe Brian's going to say something to me before then. We had a few beers. It was like the end of the night already. So that may have played an impact. Brian almost wanted to throw hands. I was the one who was ready to fight. Exactly. I was the one who was ready to fight, bro. I was like, man.

[00:38:53] But like, I was poking the shit out of my shoulder. I wasn't like that. No, I wasn't, bro. He was like, yo. I wasn't. That's how it felt. No, I wasn't. It was like a little. No, bro. That's what you did to me. Like, you overdid it. You overdid it. I was just like. No, because I didn't know that Brian was triggered, right? I exaggerated that, yeah. And so, like, I didn't know he was triggered. So we had to set that boundary. Oh, and now you bring it back to boundaries. You know what I'm saying? So I had to set that boundary.

[00:39:22] And that's in our brotherhood, right? That's in our friendship relationship, right? That boundary had to be set. More so at work. More so in those connected around Brian. Right? I had to be, use wisdom as his brother, as his friend, to make sure that I'm not crossing any lines. You know what I'm saying? I can't, I shouldn't make any backhanded comments to his significant other, his kids,

[00:39:50] anybody outside of Brian because I have a deeper rapport with Brian than anybody else. That's just how I feel about it. You know what I'm saying? That's, for me, that's what the boundaries are. Now, if everybody's all around and I have my lady there and then Brian's lady there and we're all joking together. Right. And then, like, that's, and that's where the conversation is. Everybody's cool with that. Then that's different. Right. Like, than me being like, yo, Brian. He's in a trusted space. Yo, yo, Brian. Right. Shorty, shorty bad, bro.

[00:40:20] You know, like, like, Brian gonna be like, okay, not too much. Right? For real. I know I would. Like, not too much, bro. You see? You see? There you go. Yeah, no doubt. I know. And I have a friend that, and I feel like it's only one that he would, he would always compliment my wife, even since we were kids. But I, I don't know. I felt like he was so sincere with it that I never took it away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:40:48] And I don't think he ever was inappropriate. So. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because wifey would have told me. So, so, but I get it. I get it. Because like, you're like, hey, are you complimenting? Is that a, is that just a compliment? And it works the other way around. Or is it more? With us, right? Because the women, like, don't like to pretend. They would like to pretend like they're not protective or anything like that. But they, you know, if a woman compliments her man too much, she's like, all right, check. Forget about complimenting.

[00:41:18] Oh my gosh. My daughter, my oldest, when, like, if, if the cash register at Walmart talked to me too much, she would come back and report to wifey like that. Yeah. And he was real nice. She was real nice to dad. Yeah, she was all smiling. I'll keep in. Yep. Well, Kiki and talking too much to dad. She's just talking too much to him. Yep. Yep. Yep. So, they pick up on it, man. And you don't even have, you don't even have to compliment. You could just be like, this person is talking too much to you. You could just smile.

[00:41:49] Like, what? What do you mean? You know, what do you mean? Yep. There's a couple online that does a skit and the wife is crazy. Yeah. My boy. And, um, yeah. So, stuff like that. So, yeah. Anywho, we had time and that was great, man. That was awesome. So, mantra of the day, man. Right. So, it goes, I shall choose, trust, but will always verify.

[00:42:19] He said, I shall choose to trust, but will always verify. I guess it kind of, based on the statistics, we have to be skeptical of compliments. You have to examine them because, like, some of us can be nonchalant about it. And this person's over here pining for, it may not be your romantic partner. It could be your life in general. Yeah. It could be those different things and stuff like that. And it could be pining over just wanting what you have.

[00:42:43] And you could just be oblivious to, oh, you know, that's just something that, you know, she says all the time. But, you know, this also said that their actions, right? Their actions are going to speak louder than the words. So, are they, if they're crazy enough to try something, then their actions are going to show that. It's going to show that. Yeah. And I think that's what my uncle always tried to teach me. Like, you know, there's truth in those jokes. There's truth in those things. You know what I mean?

[00:43:14] So, yeah. So, look at that. It ends up being really a lesson. Like, we unfortunately have to be, based on the stats, we have to be skeptical of compliments. We have to be watchful. Yeah. I would prefer to be more watchful than skeptical. Because maybe I should be more skeptical. Because maybe I give grace too much. No, but honestly, I do examine.

[00:43:43] I'm very analytical about stuff. I just don't always say it. But I do look at what people say. A lot. Somebody connected. We'll be back. We'll be back on a monthly. Yeah. See you next month. See you next month. It's about people. All right, y'all. Peace. We love you. Peace. Peace. Thank you.