Mark Scherer, PhD - How To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence and Why You Should

[00:00:00] The world of business is more complex than ever.

[00:00:04] The world of human resources and compensation is also getting more complex.

[00:00:09] Welcome to the HR Data Labs podcast, your direct source for the latest trends from experts

[00:00:14] inside and outside the world of human resources.

[00:00:18] Listen as we explore the impact that compensation strategy, data, and people analytics can

[00:00:24] have on your organization.

[00:00:25] This podcast is sponsored by salary.com, your source for data, technology, and consulting

[00:00:31] for compensation and beyond.

[00:00:33] Now here are your hosts, David Turetsky and Dwight Brown.

[00:00:38] Hello, and welcome to the HR Data Labs podcast.

[00:00:40] I'm your host, David Turetsky, alongside my friend, co-host, well, BFF actually.

[00:00:46] Dwight Brown from salary.com.

[00:00:47] Dwight, how are you?

[00:00:48] At first I thought you said BSS.

[00:00:50] I was going to say, yeah, there's a lot of BSS in there.

[00:00:53] But no Dwight, no, we will not use that language on this program.

[00:00:59] That's right.

[00:01:00] Don't want the explicit version.

[00:01:01] This is not getting the E. Yeah.

[00:01:03] Yes, but getting back to your question, I'm great.

[00:01:05] How are you doing?

[00:01:06] I'm great.

[00:01:07] I'm actually wearing my HR Data Labs podcast three-quarter sleeve Henley T-shirt.

[00:01:11] Look at you sporting a swag, man.

[00:01:14] Sporting a swag.

[00:01:15] But you know why I'm also really excited today?

[00:01:18] Why's that?

[00:01:20] Because we have a wonderful guest with us who is going to make us cry.

[00:01:25] So I actually have tissues available.

[00:01:27] Dr. Mark Shearer, Dr. Mark, how are you today?

[00:01:31] I'm doing well, guys.

[00:01:32] Thank you.

[00:01:33] Dr. Shearer, or can I call you Mark?

[00:01:35] Yeah, please do.

[00:01:36] Okay, Mark.

[00:01:37] So tell us a little bit about your background and a little bit about what you do.

[00:01:41] Yeah.

[00:01:41] So I've been an entrepreneur since the mid-early, mid-20s, I guess, ran several different companies

[00:01:51] from construction to raw foods to real estate investing.

[00:01:55] And during those times I'd have some ups and downs.

[00:02:00] So I was always trying to improve myself.

[00:02:02] The largest company I had was about 150 employees.

[00:02:07] Mm-hmm.

[00:02:07] Somewhere around in there.

[00:02:08] We did a lot of construction in central Texas and being able to manage that and continue

[00:02:15] to improve my leadership ability, I was taking a lot of classes and I was actually more

[00:02:20] interested in the classes I was taking than they were working in construction.

[00:02:25] You know?

[00:02:26] So sometimes I'd be gone a month at a time, doing these different sabbaticals and taking

[00:02:32] different classes in Europe and throughout the U.S.

[00:02:35] Wow.

[00:02:35] And like I said, I was always really passionate about the desire to go into coaching at some

[00:02:40] point in time.

[00:02:41] Just back in 2008, 2009 is when I transitioned over and during that time I had gotten into

[00:02:48] a pretty severe accident and I had a friend of mine and Bezel a bunch of money from

[00:02:54] my construction company.

[00:02:56] So it was like a perfect storm hit and I was really hoping to put a couple more

[00:03:01] million dollars in a night before I went into coaching.

[00:03:04] But you know, I wanted to get out and I was just, anyway, I got my way out.

[00:03:09] It wasn't the way I would have planned if I had planned it, but I got my way out and

[00:03:13] I'm so glad I did.

[00:03:14] And that's when I really started to focus on coaching and putting this system together.

[00:03:21] And over the glass, I see since 2008-2009, I've studied with a couple of other coaches,

[00:03:29] learned some other, got some other modalities in my system and I started to get clients all

[00:03:34] over the world, all over the world by word of mouth.

[00:03:38] And I guess about six years ago, I started to encompass life as a university so I could

[00:03:45] train people.

[00:03:46] My clients were asking me, hey, where can we learn to do what you're doing?

[00:03:50] Is there a certification process to do so?

[00:03:53] And so I started to encompass life as a coaching certification school and also

[00:03:57] a leadership development academy.

[00:03:59] And I've got a couple of books coming out and we're really, we're really growing a company now.

[00:04:05] That's awesome.

[00:04:06] And so we're going to talk a little bit about what your company focuses on as we

[00:04:10] get into our topic.

[00:04:11] But one of the things we love to do with our guests is to ask, what's one fun thing

[00:04:16] that no one knows about you, Mark?

[00:04:18] Oh, fun things.

[00:04:21] How about different?

[00:04:22] Okay.

[00:04:23] I was raised on a cattle ranch and I've done artificial

[00:04:27] insemination, palpation and I've pulled calves.

[00:04:31] Wow.

[00:04:32] Nice.

[00:04:32] Not many people can say they've done that.

[00:04:34] No, no, that's true.

[00:04:36] And if you've watched television or you've been to a farm or you've seen these

[00:04:42] kind of activities like I watch Clarkson Farm on Prime Video, it is, it's

[00:04:48] heart wrenching.

[00:04:49] It's hard work.

[00:04:50] But it is some of the most rewarding work in the world, right?

[00:04:53] Yeah, it really is.

[00:04:55] And you go out and set up, get a project done and make the progress on

[00:05:01] the project every day is really, really beautiful.

[00:05:03] Even throughout just harvesting crops.

[00:05:06] It's so, yeah.

[00:05:07] It's what your one with nature out there is beautiful.

[00:05:10] Absolutely.

[00:05:11] Well, there's a lot of reasons why people think of farming as almost a,

[00:05:15] it's not a religion, but it's obviously it's a way of life.

[00:05:18] But it's something that they couldn't imagine doing anything else, right?

[00:05:21] Yeah.

[00:05:22] Spiritual connection for sure.

[00:05:23] Exactly.

[00:05:23] It's a wonder of life.

[00:05:27] Yeah.

[00:05:27] Well, and that brings us to our topic for today because what we're

[00:05:32] going to try and do today is we're going to talk about something a little

[00:05:34] different.

[00:05:35] It's going to be a little emotional and that's on purpose

[00:05:38] because we're going to be talking about increasing your emotional

[00:05:41] intelligence.

[00:05:50] So, Mark, what is the problem?

[00:05:53] The problem is people have wounds of unhealed stuff from their

[00:05:57] childhood and anytime a situation reminds them of that unhealed wound,

[00:06:03] they react the way they did as a three or four year old and immediately

[00:06:07] go into reaction.

[00:06:08] And whatever they used to survive as a child is what their

[00:06:12] automatic response is as an adult.

[00:06:14] So imagine if you have a company and you have an emotional

[00:06:20] intelligence of a three or four year old, like I said, and reactive.

[00:06:24] You know, I'm going to go inside and go to my room, lock myself in the

[00:06:27] office, lash back out, some I throw a fit, all those things.

[00:06:31] And as soon as that emotional reaction kicks in, the person leaves

[00:06:34] his higher brain function because they're going into the fight or

[00:06:37] flight response he did as a child.

[00:06:40] So, you know, to be able to shift out of that or the way we

[00:06:44] measure emotional intelligence here is a time it takes from the

[00:06:48] person to go into a reaction to be able to become have another

[00:06:51] effective action up show up again.

[00:06:54] And the gap between the reaction and the effective action is a

[00:06:59] measurement of emotional intelligence.

[00:07:01] So if you can cut that down to milliseconds or seconds, man,

[00:07:04] you're doing great.

[00:07:05] And how many people desire to work with the company or especially

[00:07:08] small business medium sized company where the owner goes off.

[00:07:12] That kills a company.

[00:07:14] People are going to leave really quickly, especially in today's

[00:07:17] world. If somebody doesn't like it, you like to weigh the

[00:07:19] personality of their own owners and they have a don't have like

[00:07:22] a higher purpose.

[00:07:23] They're out of here.

[00:07:25] It's not like when my dad was working, he spent 40 years at

[00:07:29] the pod or whatever, you know, whatever he did, you know,

[00:07:31] that type of loyalty is not here in today's world.

[00:07:35] People are always looking for what's next.

[00:07:38] And then also I think maybe in my parents' generation

[00:07:41] certainly they took hierarchy as the ability or afforded

[00:07:45] the ability to have low emotional intelligence.

[00:07:49] And you know, you just dealt with it, right?

[00:07:52] You just, you just kept going because it was just accepted.

[00:07:55] Exactly.

[00:07:56] They had the right to because they are in the hierarchy.

[00:07:58] They were above you.

[00:07:59] And if they start screaming at you for whether it's your fault

[00:08:03] or not,

[00:08:04] that great point.

[00:08:05] And a lot of people talk about being in my people stay in

[00:08:09] their comfort zone.

[00:08:11] Well, I found that the word comfort when people

[00:08:15] talk about being in a comfort zone 90% of the time,

[00:08:19] that's all.

[00:08:19] I can see you said BS at the beginning of the show.

[00:08:22] I'm going to say BS here.

[00:08:23] BS.

[00:08:23] Okay.

[00:08:26] So it's really what people are with people are in as

[00:08:30] they're familiar zone.

[00:08:31] Right.

[00:08:32] And a lot of people are living in a familiar zone of

[00:08:35] being really, really miserable in their life.

[00:08:37] So when they have that misery there, anything that

[00:08:40] triggers another level of it, they go on that state

[00:08:43] of reaction very quickly.

[00:08:45] And whether it be a business owner or a team member

[00:08:48] or whatever, but you know, when somebody's living in that

[00:08:51] heightened state of anxiety and misery, it don't take

[00:08:53] much to set somebody off.

[00:08:54] Is that the reason why we accept it is because

[00:08:57] we're used to it and, you know, talking about

[00:09:00] woundings?

[00:09:02] Yeah.

[00:09:02] Add the way is language.

[00:09:03] Oh, you're in your comfort zone.

[00:09:06] Well, I'm in my comfort zone.

[00:09:08] Oh yeah.

[00:09:09] But are you really?

[00:09:10] Are you really comfortable being miserable?

[00:09:13] Are you really comfortable being reactive?

[00:09:15] It's what you know.

[00:09:16] Yeah.

[00:09:16] It's what you know, yeah.

[00:09:17] It's what you experienced.

[00:09:19] But you know, it's a language is a really, really

[00:09:22] important part of what we're doing here because

[00:09:24] every word can produce a different fat, fat

[00:09:27] chemically on the body.

[00:09:28] Right.

[00:09:29] Well, I know from my past and not only the

[00:09:33] experiences went by with my parents, but also

[00:09:35] the experiences with work.

[00:09:37] Yelling was a really huge part of my growth, right?

[00:09:42] I would get yelled at by my dad or I get yelled

[00:09:45] at at work.

[00:09:47] In fact, my first experiences at work, I used

[00:09:50] to have a boss who stood over my shoulder to

[00:09:53] watch me work.

[00:09:54] And when I got one letter wrong on data input

[00:09:58] on mainframe focus, I got yelled at right

[00:10:02] then.

[00:10:02] So it was an immediate feedback.

[00:10:05] And I didn't love it, but I accepted it because

[00:10:09] she was my boss.

[00:10:10] Yeah.

[00:10:10] And interestingly, you said the word.

[00:10:12] I didn't love it.

[00:10:13] So anytime anytime you're using the word not,

[00:10:18] that's basically what the person is doing is

[00:10:21] lying by omission.

[00:10:22] They're not telling like what's really going

[00:10:23] on.

[00:10:24] You're telling what didn't happen.

[00:10:25] You know, like, hey, Mark, where are you

[00:10:27] going today?

[00:10:27] Not Houston.

[00:10:28] You know, I'm not saying the truth.

[00:10:31] It's way it is.

[00:10:32] It's a way to lie by omission.

[00:10:35] Where are you?

[00:10:36] Where are you going?

[00:10:36] Hey, where are you going?

[00:10:39] Not my girlfriend's house.

[00:10:45] But but in so are we trying to save someone's

[00:10:47] feelings or are we trying to get around the

[00:10:50] issue? What are we trying to do?

[00:10:52] We're trying to you try to protect yourself

[00:10:55] so you don't get in a trouble is what that

[00:10:57] all is.

[00:10:58] Man. Yeah.

[00:10:59] Because as a kid, like you said, if you got

[00:11:01] yelled at as a kid, so you'd learn to speak

[00:11:04] in these ambiguous terms because if you

[00:11:07] nail yourself down, you know, like nail

[00:11:11] and gel under the wall.

[00:11:12] You're right.

[00:11:13] I did not eat that candy dad.

[00:11:16] Yeah. Where'd you go?

[00:11:18] The library where the library is going?

[00:11:19] Oh yeah, we found the other library was

[00:11:21] closed and you know,

[00:11:25] one after another.

[00:11:27] Right.

[00:11:28] Well, zones for ourselves, right?

[00:11:30] Mark, I mean, it's it's it's hard

[00:11:33] living in a world the way it is.

[00:11:35] I mean, there are some with social media,

[00:11:37] with pressures at work, with pressures

[00:11:39] at home, with financial pressures.

[00:11:41] It's so hard to kind of be

[00:11:44] quote unquote OK.

[00:11:46] So how do people deal with

[00:11:49] trying to protect ourselves

[00:11:51] and protect our our sanity

[00:11:54] for lack of a better way of saying it?

[00:11:56] The only thing that you're trying to

[00:11:57] protect is your lies.

[00:11:59] Hmm.

[00:12:00] You're not trying to you're not trying

[00:12:01] to protect yourself.

[00:12:03] Truth requires no protection.

[00:12:04] What requires protection and

[00:12:05] defense is lies to really have

[00:12:08] the life you love.

[00:12:09] You got to find what limits you the most

[00:12:11] is also what you hate the most about

[00:12:13] yourself and also what you defend the most.

[00:12:15] And the way the person defends

[00:12:17] is by speaking in vague terms,

[00:12:18] by lying, by misdirecting,

[00:12:20] by all that stuff.

[00:12:22] So everybody says, you know,

[00:12:24] like what you said, it's really,

[00:12:25] really hard to do this.

[00:12:26] That's what I used to think.

[00:12:27] That's why I used to speak as well.

[00:12:30] And when I found out the way I used to

[00:12:31] live was really, really hard.

[00:12:33] Once I shifted it, I was like,

[00:12:34] holy crap, that's what hard

[00:12:37] in working with people over the years.

[00:12:39] It's like, oh, this is going to be

[00:12:41] really, really hard to shift.

[00:12:42] Once once somebody makes that shift,

[00:12:44] I go, hey, you'd like to go back to

[00:12:45] where we were. Oh, hell no,

[00:12:46] that was hard to stress the worry.

[00:12:49] All that stuff exists when you try

[00:12:51] to when we're trying to cover stuff up.

[00:12:53] It takes it takes all the ramp.

[00:12:55] I mean, I remember

[00:12:57] going to be late to an appointment

[00:12:59] and I would practice my excuses

[00:13:01] of why I was going to be

[00:13:02] why I was late before I would get there.

[00:13:05] You know, I was like, holy man,

[00:13:07] and all that stuff just

[00:13:08] it wore me out, man.

[00:13:10] It had a, it was a,

[00:13:12] you know, that that false front.

[00:13:14] And here's how I present myself to the world.

[00:13:16] And here I, here's how I really

[00:13:18] feel behind that false front.

[00:13:19] Whatever that whatever that

[00:13:22] schism is, chasm or canyon

[00:13:23] between those two things,

[00:13:25] the bigger the split, the more

[00:13:27] the harder it is that person to live their life.

[00:13:30] The weird part is that so often

[00:13:33] people don't realize when they're in the

[00:13:35] midst of it how hard it actually is for them.

[00:13:38] I know I've had that in aspects

[00:13:40] of my life where I didn't have a clue

[00:13:42] until it finally got called out

[00:13:45] and you know, there could be

[00:13:47] behavior change. And all of a sudden

[00:13:49] I'm like, in fact, going, holy smokes.

[00:13:52] That really that's sapped

[00:13:53] every ounce of my energy.

[00:13:55] Yeah. Yeah, even in, even in marriage,

[00:13:58] you know, even in romantic relationship,

[00:14:00] I mean, the way my parents dealt with

[00:14:02] stuff was they just would silent

[00:14:04] kind of had hallway sex.

[00:14:06] You know what hallway sex is?

[00:14:07] No, I'd love to hear about it, though.

[00:14:11] You pass each other the hallway screw

[00:14:13] you screw you too, you know,

[00:14:20] you know, all

[00:14:22] that's not exactly what I thought

[00:14:24] it was going to be, but no,

[00:14:26] but it's into.

[00:14:27] Yeah, yeah, but it's all and it's all

[00:14:29] done under under the breath, you know,

[00:14:31] it's all done. Yeah.

[00:14:32] You know, like, yeah, yeah.

[00:14:34] You know, because having those

[00:14:37] conversations, everybody thinks

[00:14:39] it's really hard. I mean, I remember

[00:14:40] I remember thinking I was going to

[00:14:41] have a conversation with somebody

[00:14:43] that we're going to leave and I was

[00:14:44] going to go kill me, explain this.

[00:14:46] And then once I did like, oh,

[00:14:47] what the heck, man?

[00:14:49] I held that in for how long?

[00:14:51] Right.

[00:14:52] And all those little things we hold

[00:14:55] in are like little nails in the

[00:14:57] coffin of relationship or

[00:14:58] in a business nails in a coffin

[00:15:00] of profitability and productivity.

[00:15:03] Right, but the the difficulty

[00:15:06] everybody's got, like you mentioned

[00:15:08] at the beginning, everybody's got

[00:15:09] woundings. Everybody's got those

[00:15:12] scratches on their heart

[00:15:14] or scratches in their in their psyche.

[00:15:17] Yeah. And the protection of them

[00:15:20] enables them to

[00:15:22] live another day with

[00:15:24] debt, with interest rates,

[00:15:27] with kids and how crappy they're

[00:15:29] doing at school with, you know,

[00:15:31] the, you know, dealing with a

[00:15:32] spouse or dealing with an ex-spouse.

[00:15:34] All those things are so hard

[00:15:37] in the in the world in which

[00:15:38] the U.S. at least lives in that.

[00:15:42] I mean, that's that's how we

[00:15:43] deal with things is just keep

[00:15:46] moving forward like a shark.

[00:15:48] And, you know, you can't stop.

[00:15:49] You got to keep moving forward.

[00:15:50] Yeah. All these patterns were put

[00:15:53] into place when for that

[00:15:55] individual to survive whatever

[00:15:57] happened at that moment, you know,

[00:15:59] those those pains in the

[00:16:02] childhood, those traumas.

[00:16:04] And it could be like, I remember

[00:16:05] when I was a kid, I saw,

[00:16:07] I choose to remember what movie

[00:16:08] was, some movie with the baby

[00:16:10] elephant at it.

[00:16:11] And we lived on a ranch.

[00:16:12] I was like, well, I want a baby

[00:16:13] elephant. You know,

[00:16:15] we have to.

[00:16:15] You know, you know, you can't have

[00:16:18] a like, what do you mean?

[00:16:19] I can't have a baby elephant.

[00:16:20] I mean, everybody has their own

[00:16:22] their own their own little trauma

[00:16:24] things. Let me like a little

[00:16:26] four year old. We got we got

[00:16:28] land. We got hay.

[00:16:28] Like, what do you mean?

[00:16:30] They can make fertilizer.

[00:16:33] You know, so whatever those traumas

[00:16:35] occurred and the behaviors

[00:16:37] associated with those things,

[00:16:38] those protection mechanisms came

[00:16:40] up with those protection

[00:16:41] mechanisms to is they have

[00:16:44] the person survive.

[00:16:46] But that's all they have the

[00:16:47] person do is survive.

[00:16:49] They can't they never really

[00:16:51] thrive in their life because

[00:16:53] there's a whole bunch of not

[00:16:54] statements associated with the

[00:16:56] trauma like life shouldn't be

[00:16:58] this way. I'm not good enough.

[00:17:00] I can't do this.

[00:17:01] And they surround that trauma

[00:17:02] with a whole bunch of not

[00:17:03] statements and all those

[00:17:05] things affect their ability

[00:17:07] for creativity, enthusiasm,

[00:17:10] intuition, being able

[00:17:12] to author their life playfully

[00:17:14] and most people will shut down

[00:17:16] in a sense like if anger

[00:17:18] shows up, if somebody's

[00:17:20] reactive, they go into fear

[00:17:21] with anger or they will go

[00:17:23] over the top of that anger.

[00:17:26] You know, you're not going to

[00:17:26] treat me this way because my

[00:17:27] dad treated me this way.

[00:17:28] You know, so they have all

[00:17:30] those unconscious patterns

[00:17:31] and those unconscious

[00:17:32] patterns is a direct

[00:17:33] correlation between that

[00:17:34] and emotional intelligence.

[00:17:36] Then that person will never

[00:17:37] actually never really thrive.

[00:17:39] They may survive to a

[00:17:40] greater level, but they'll

[00:17:42] also be living in debt.

[00:17:43] They'll also be living like

[00:17:44] their own conversations

[00:17:46] are creating a reality, not

[00:17:47] the not the reality

[00:17:48] created the conversation.

[00:17:50] And I think the microcosm of

[00:17:52] work makes those things

[00:17:55] even more difficult because

[00:17:57] there are certain things

[00:17:58] they can control and certain

[00:18:01] things they cannot control

[00:18:03] or they believe they cannot

[00:18:04] control.

[00:18:05] Yeah, the only thing

[00:18:05] somebody can control is

[00:18:07] their own body chemistry.

[00:18:09] And once you can manage

[00:18:10] that, that's the key.

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[00:18:21] Now back to the show.

[00:18:24] So let's talk about it.

[00:18:25] Let's talk about how we shift

[00:18:27] the pattern and how you can

[00:18:28] get more control on this.

[00:18:30] Yeah, so, you know, you can

[00:18:32] go to therapy and talk

[00:18:33] about stuff for 20 years,

[00:18:34] right?

[00:18:35] And spend a lot of money.

[00:18:36] It's been a lot of money.

[00:18:38] Yeah.

[00:18:39] So there's a

[00:18:40] we have a thing called

[00:18:41] the quantum leap technique.

[00:18:42] And what it does is instead

[00:18:44] of going and trying to fix

[00:18:45] all that stuff,

[00:18:46] we do is I pretend you

[00:18:48] already fixed it.

[00:18:49] Give yourself the feeling

[00:18:50] your body like all the stuff

[00:18:51] I have in my childhood,

[00:18:53] all the issues I'm having at

[00:18:54] work, all those things

[00:18:56] just like somehow or another,

[00:18:58] just pretend you got it

[00:19:00] and they made it.

[00:19:01] You got it make it.

[00:19:01] OK, but somehow or another

[00:19:03] it all worked out.

[00:19:04] Don't try to do it mentally.

[00:19:06] No mental activity at all

[00:19:08] if you can do it.

[00:19:09] Just have your body

[00:19:11] going to a state of relaxation.

[00:19:13] If the body is in a state

[00:19:14] of fight or flight,

[00:19:15] all you're doing is running

[00:19:16] in your brainstem.

[00:19:18] Everything is fight or flight

[00:19:19] when the body has a level

[00:19:20] of tension.

[00:19:21] So you give yourself

[00:19:22] you give your body

[00:19:23] a brand new level of ease

[00:19:24] as you do so.

[00:19:26] The body chemistry begins

[00:19:28] to change.

[00:19:29] And once the body

[00:19:30] chemistry changes,

[00:19:31] thought chains and a person

[00:19:33] has access to a new reality.

[00:19:36] Instantaneously.

[00:19:37] So is that concept

[00:19:39] trying to be very pragmatic

[00:19:41] in the way I phrase this

[00:19:43] question? But is that kind

[00:19:45] of the way in which we hope

[00:19:47] a vacation would be where

[00:19:49] we're living a different

[00:19:50] reality? We escape what

[00:19:52] we have today and we go

[00:19:54] to what we think ideal

[00:19:55] might be if we had

[00:19:57] if we had the best alternative

[00:20:00] of our life.

[00:20:01] We try in vacation

[00:20:03] in a place where our life

[00:20:05] would be better, simpler,

[00:20:07] more exciting, whatever.

[00:20:08] Is that what we what you're

[00:20:10] talking about?

[00:20:11] But that's but that's so

[00:20:12] fleeting, right?

[00:20:13] You have to go.

[00:20:13] Well, yeah.

[00:20:14] Yeah, that's so fleeting.

[00:20:15] And then the issues

[00:20:16] are never getting addressed.

[00:20:18] No.

[00:20:19] So what we're doing here

[00:20:21] is having.

[00:20:22] I mean, the way to do it

[00:20:23] is to do it.

[00:20:25] You've got to if you've

[00:20:26] got something up that's

[00:20:27] really, really tough for you

[00:20:28] to solve.

[00:20:29] And maybe it's a repeating

[00:20:31] pattern.

[00:20:32] Well, there's four things

[00:20:33] that keep a repeating pattern

[00:20:34] in the place.

[00:20:35] Those four things are

[00:20:37] shame, blame, guilt and hate.

[00:20:39] So rather than trying to work

[00:20:42] on the repeating pattern

[00:20:43] with this all this glue

[00:20:45] holding it in a place,

[00:20:46] first we got to address

[00:20:47] those four things.

[00:20:48] Then as those four things

[00:20:50] get scraped off the jigsaw

[00:20:52] puzzle, the glue that's

[00:20:53] holding the jigsaw puzzle.

[00:20:54] The puzzle starts to fall

[00:20:55] apart.

[00:20:57] And

[00:20:58] all we're all we're doing

[00:20:59] here is activating

[00:21:01] there's glands in the body

[00:21:03] that produce chemicals

[00:21:04] that that enhance

[00:21:05] imagination, intuition,

[00:21:08] wisdom, enthusiasm.

[00:21:10] In other words, problem

[00:21:10] solving abilities.

[00:21:12] So there's a way to access

[00:21:14] these chemicals in your body

[00:21:16] to have to be able to produce

[00:21:17] them on a command.

[00:21:19] In fact, that's the way

[00:21:21] the most important time to do

[00:21:22] it is when it's the toughest

[00:21:24] time for you to do these

[00:21:25] things. That's when it's

[00:21:26] most important for you to be

[00:21:27] able to do it.

[00:21:28] And then those patterns

[00:21:29] you're able to become

[00:21:30] effective, effective, effective,

[00:21:31] effective, effective, effective.

[00:21:32] You become the solution

[00:21:34] in your company.

[00:21:35] If it's a if you're a leader

[00:21:37] or if you're a team member

[00:21:38] or if you're if you choose

[00:21:40] them to move up in your company,

[00:21:41] mean you think people want

[00:21:42] people who complain

[00:21:43] at a level of leadership?

[00:21:46] No, you become the solution

[00:21:47] and there's ways to produce

[00:21:49] breakthrough thinking

[00:21:50] in a matter of seconds.

[00:21:51] Einstein said

[00:21:52] you have to change the

[00:21:53] thinking that created the

[00:21:54] issue to solve the issue.

[00:21:56] So you can't go into it

[00:21:57] with the same tension

[00:21:59] that you created it in.

[00:22:00] It has to be

[00:22:01] a full

[00:22:03] consciousness shift

[00:22:04] to bring a solution to it.

[00:22:06] Otherwise, it's still going to be

[00:22:07] still in survival.

[00:22:08] But then people have to be

[00:22:11] ready for that shift, right?

[00:22:13] They can't be

[00:22:14] in fight or flight mode

[00:22:15] while they're doing it.

[00:22:16] They can't go, hey,

[00:22:17] I've got this rabid dog

[00:22:19] who's chasing me.

[00:22:21] Hmm.

[00:22:22] I really wish my life

[00:22:23] were different right now.

[00:22:24] They can't make that change

[00:22:26] consciously when they've

[00:22:27] got all that

[00:22:28] if they can't.

[00:22:29] Chain, blame, guilt and

[00:22:30] there's a system for it.

[00:22:32] You know, like the Spencer

[00:22:33] and those guys like you

[00:22:34] can sit down and meditate

[00:22:35] for a couple of hours

[00:22:35] to get into this place, right?

[00:22:37] And then have a new

[00:22:39] a new renewing of the mind

[00:22:41] and all that stuff.

[00:22:42] But there is a there's

[00:22:44] a way to live in it.

[00:22:45] There's a way in being able

[00:22:46] to live in a in a solution

[00:22:48] environment.

[00:22:49] And that's really

[00:22:51] our natural state.

[00:22:52] What keeps us out of that

[00:22:54] natural state is the lives

[00:22:55] we tell ourselves

[00:22:56] that produces the toxicity

[00:22:58] and the tension in our body.

[00:23:00] There's a book out called

[00:23:02] language and a pursuit

[00:23:03] of happiness.

[00:23:04] They have one for

[00:23:06] language and pursuit of

[00:23:06] happiness and language

[00:23:08] and procedural happiness

[00:23:08] for business.

[00:23:09] I studied with

[00:23:11] with one of the protegees

[00:23:13] of the guy who developed

[00:23:14] that system.

[00:23:15] And

[00:23:17] there's six different

[00:23:18] speech acts we can use

[00:23:19] as humans.

[00:23:20] Assessments, assertions,

[00:23:22] declarations, requests,

[00:23:23] promises and offers.

[00:23:25] Most people they speak

[00:23:27] assessments, in other words,

[00:23:28] opinions as if they're facts.

[00:23:31] And if you ask them why

[00:23:33] there's like you say, hey,

[00:23:35] you know, Dwight's

[00:23:36] Dwight's really rude.

[00:23:38] Yeah, that could be their

[00:23:39] opinion, right?

[00:23:40] And you can and you can go

[00:23:42] why do you say Dwight's

[00:23:43] really well he's just a jerk

[00:23:44] and he's really inconsiderate

[00:23:46] and he's really

[00:23:47] whatever I mean, just make

[00:23:49] up something.

[00:23:50] You know, but none of those

[00:23:51] have any facticity to him.

[00:23:53] Right.

[00:23:54] There are all those things

[00:23:55] were all opinions as well.

[00:23:57] You know, you can say

[00:23:57] Dwight's really rude.

[00:23:59] You know how he walked into

[00:23:59] a room, grabbed a plate

[00:24:00] of food through it in David's

[00:24:02] face.

[00:24:03] He walked by another person,

[00:24:04] lifted the leg, let out a little

[00:24:05] toot, you know.

[00:24:08] That would be more like

[00:24:09] Dwight actually.

[00:24:10] More like Dwight.

[00:24:12] But but.

[00:24:14] You mean there's something

[00:24:15] wrong with doing that?

[00:24:17] That was great, dude.

[00:24:19] Depends who you choose

[00:24:21] to be in life, right?

[00:24:22] Exactly.

[00:24:24] Yeah.

[00:24:25] So when somebody's living

[00:24:26] in these ungrounded

[00:24:28] assessments, what that

[00:24:30] does it produces this

[00:24:31] chemical cocktail on the body

[00:24:33] that had that wraps up the

[00:24:35] emotional charge with the person?

[00:24:37] If you listen to the news,

[00:24:39] that's what the news is

[00:24:40] designed to do to ramp up

[00:24:42] emotions in people.

[00:24:43] And then all they do is they

[00:24:44] speak tagline with no

[00:24:45] with no facticity behind it.

[00:24:48] And they live in a

[00:24:50] hallucination of anxiety.

[00:24:53] But there's a way to break

[00:24:54] that chemical cocktail.

[00:24:56] Does it ultimately all come

[00:24:59] down to fear?

[00:25:00] Fear is in sort of that

[00:25:03] fight or flight idea.

[00:25:05] I see the tiger and

[00:25:08] that tiger could eat me.

[00:25:10] And modern day is

[00:25:13] I see the tiger, but the

[00:25:15] tiger is in the zoo and

[00:25:16] behind a great big fence.

[00:25:17] But I'm still seeing the

[00:25:18] tiger and the tiger could eat

[00:25:20] me.

[00:25:20] Is it fear of what

[00:25:24] could happen?

[00:25:25] Or is that not a component?

[00:25:27] The fear is life is

[00:25:29] happening to me.

[00:25:31] That's the fear.

[00:25:33] The truth is life occurs for

[00:25:34] you.

[00:25:35] Whatever's happening on the

[00:25:36] end shows up on the outer.

[00:25:38] Everything, you know, if

[00:25:40] you listen to Henry Ford,

[00:25:42] everybody's read if

[00:25:43] Henry Ford says you believe

[00:25:44] you can't, you can't.

[00:25:45] If you believe you can, you

[00:25:46] can.

[00:25:47] Einstein says imagination is

[00:25:49] more important than knowledge.

[00:25:50] I just wanted to remember

[00:25:51] reading the thing about

[00:25:52] Einstein.

[00:25:53] He said if somebody gave

[00:25:54] him an hour to solve a

[00:25:55] problem and put a gun in

[00:25:57] his head and we're going to

[00:25:58] kill you after an hour if

[00:25:59] you don't solve this issue.

[00:26:00] He said I will spend the first

[00:26:01] 50 minutes coming up with

[00:26:03] the correct question of

[00:26:04] to ask myself and 10 minutes

[00:26:05] solving the issue.

[00:26:07] Everything that we

[00:26:08] everything that we really

[00:26:10] achieve that brings

[00:26:11] peace and ease into

[00:26:13] our life is through an

[00:26:15] inside, inside remembrance.

[00:26:17] So even Tesla, I mean,

[00:26:19] Tesla talked about

[00:26:20] frequency, right?

[00:26:22] All these guys who did

[00:26:23] breakthrough results, they

[00:26:25] had a particular way of

[00:26:27] using language and thinking

[00:26:28] that produced it.

[00:26:29] It wasn't like their brain was

[00:26:30] bigger or any of that stuff,

[00:26:32] but they had a way of being

[00:26:33] able to language themselves

[00:26:34] and to be able to language

[00:26:36] the issue.

[00:26:37] Most people ask some

[00:26:39] really, really stupid

[00:26:39] questions and they get

[00:26:40] and they get answers.

[00:26:42] They hate why am I such a

[00:26:43] screw up?

[00:26:43] Why can't I do anything

[00:26:44] right?

[00:26:44] Why can't I solve this

[00:26:45] problem?

[00:26:46] And then they get bombarded

[00:26:48] with thoughts to add that

[00:26:49] answer that support to

[00:26:50] answer to that question.

[00:26:52] The question is what's my

[00:26:54] life like at 100 times

[00:26:55] greater love?

[00:26:56] What's my life like at

[00:26:57] 100 times greater ease?

[00:26:59] And you give yourself the

[00:27:00] feeling of it first and then

[00:27:01] you'll start to see the vision

[00:27:03] of it.

[00:27:04] So feelings are the

[00:27:05] gateways of memories.

[00:27:06] If you were, if I was to ask

[00:27:08] you guys about maybe a

[00:27:09] beautiful romantic

[00:27:10] encounter you have, a

[00:27:12] terrible romantic encounter

[00:27:13] you have, right?

[00:27:15] If you were able to feel

[00:27:16] the feelings of it, you

[00:27:17] know, the weather, you know,

[00:27:18] this, the lighting was this

[00:27:19] the member of the smells.

[00:27:21] I remember the sounds I

[00:27:22] remember and you can go back

[00:27:24] into the memory of it and

[00:27:25] call great, great detail

[00:27:26] into it, right?

[00:27:28] Makes sense.

[00:27:30] And maybe even start to get

[00:27:31] maybe even your body will

[00:27:33] respond.

[00:27:34] You start to get a body

[00:27:34] response.

[00:27:35] All you're doing is that

[00:27:36] is going into the memory

[00:27:38] of it, but you're still

[00:27:39] getting a physical response

[00:27:40] in the body.

[00:27:41] Even though there's nobody

[00:27:43] else there, right?

[00:27:45] So there's a way to

[00:27:46] produce a brand new

[00:27:48] feeling and feelings

[00:27:50] always access memories.

[00:27:52] So there's a way to produce

[00:27:54] a brand new feeling.

[00:27:55] And if it's a brand new

[00:27:56] feeling, the memory can't

[00:27:58] come from the past because

[00:27:59] it's a brand new feeling.

[00:28:00] So you're going to get

[00:28:01] them.

[00:28:01] You're going to get a memory

[00:28:02] from your future and you'll

[00:28:04] start to see a picture of

[00:28:05] what life is like at a

[00:28:07] hundred X law or a hundred

[00:28:08] X success or a hundred X

[00:28:10] greater level in your

[00:28:11] company.

[00:28:12] And then the way to achieve

[00:28:15] this is you ask yourself

[00:28:17] what characteristics do I

[00:28:19] have in this new life?

[00:28:21] How do the most important

[00:28:23] characteristics for you to

[00:28:24] be able to answer while you're

[00:28:25] in a state of ease?

[00:28:26] If how do I handle a

[00:28:28] kerfluffle when I'm when I'm

[00:28:30] a hundred or I have a hundred

[00:28:31] X profitability, my

[00:28:33] my wealth is up 10 X or 100

[00:28:35] X. If an unexpected bill

[00:28:37] shows up, how do I handle that?

[00:28:39] Because it's not.

[00:28:41] It's always the reaction

[00:28:43] that's producing.

[00:28:45] That's producing the result.

[00:28:47] The results don't produce

[00:28:48] a reaction.

[00:28:49] The reaction produces the

[00:28:50] results.

[00:28:52] In other words, if you yell

[00:28:53] at your wife, what results does

[00:28:54] that produce?

[00:28:55] Divorce, right?

[00:28:56] Sure.

[00:28:57] So there's a way to

[00:28:59] to the gate those

[00:29:01] reacts reactionary responses.

[00:29:03] You know, what if my life

[00:29:05] looks like now that my wife

[00:29:07] and I really, really love

[00:29:08] each other now that we

[00:29:09] really, really get along?

[00:29:10] How do we handle how do we

[00:29:12] handle kerfluffles?

[00:29:13] How do we handle kerfluffles

[00:29:15] and with employees in our

[00:29:16] business?

[00:29:16] You ask yourself those

[00:29:17] questions and when

[00:29:20] you can feel like the

[00:29:21] tissue is lost up when

[00:29:22] you can feel them deeply

[00:29:24] enough, you program your

[00:29:25] subconscious with those

[00:29:26] new actions and it aren't

[00:29:28] then they and your subconscious

[00:29:29] will automatically do them.

[00:29:31] No, no thinking about it

[00:29:33] because if you got to think

[00:29:34] about it, you're ready,

[00:29:34] you're ready to light.

[00:29:37] Different.

[00:29:37] I mean, really a different

[00:29:38] way of doing things.

[00:29:40] And this is how I got my

[00:29:41] the PhD thing was on

[00:29:42] was was all on this.

[00:29:44] The people were going,

[00:29:45] holy crap guy, you're

[00:29:46] on this one.

[00:29:47] This is this is really

[00:29:48] a way a different way of

[00:29:49] doing it rather than try

[00:29:51] them. They positive

[00:29:52] thoughts of thinking

[00:29:53] and don't think negative

[00:29:54] thoughts. I did that for

[00:29:56] 30 something years.

[00:29:58] It was like her cats, man.

[00:30:00] Absolutely.

[00:30:02] Hey, are you listening to

[00:30:03] this and thinking to

[00:30:04] yourself, man, I wish I could

[00:30:06] talk to David about this.

[00:30:07] Well, you're in luck.

[00:30:08] We have a special offer for

[00:30:10] listeners of the HR Data

[00:30:11] Labs podcast, a free half

[00:30:13] hour call with me about any

[00:30:15] of the topics we cover on

[00:30:16] the podcast or whatever is

[00:30:18] on your mind.

[00:30:19] Go to salary dot com

[00:30:20] forward slash H. R. D. L.

[00:30:23] Consulting to schedule your

[00:30:25] free 30 minute call today.

[00:30:28] Well, and Mark, sorry,

[00:30:31] I tried in certain parts

[00:30:33] of my life to model what

[00:30:35] you're talking about.

[00:30:36] To not react right away

[00:30:38] with the visceral reaction

[00:30:40] and to take things

[00:30:42] a lot more differently

[00:30:44] than I would in the past.

[00:30:47] I'll give you an example.

[00:30:49] Huge Ranger fan.

[00:30:50] They lost their first game

[00:30:52] against Florida.

[00:30:53] And instead of getting

[00:30:54] really physically upset

[00:30:56] by the loss, which I have

[00:30:58] in the past, thrown a lot

[00:31:00] of things and a lot of

[00:31:01] televisions and which

[00:31:03] has cost a lot of money.

[00:31:05] Instead, what I did was

[00:31:06] I said seven game series.

[00:31:09] It's OK.

[00:31:10] They can come back

[00:31:11] and if they don't

[00:31:12] and if they lose,

[00:31:13] it's OK.

[00:31:15] It's not going to change

[00:31:16] my life dramatically.

[00:31:18] Yes, I'll be happy if they win.

[00:31:20] But I can't get too high

[00:31:22] or too low.

[00:31:23] I can't experience that

[00:31:24] until the end result happens.

[00:31:25] And when it happens,

[00:31:27] what I'm going to try and do,

[00:31:28] what I'm going to try and model is

[00:31:31] that's why I'm still here

[00:31:32] on this earth to see them

[00:31:33] win a Stanley Cup

[00:31:34] and it will be next year

[00:31:36] or next year or next year.

[00:31:38] So I've tried in that

[00:31:40] little microcosm.

[00:31:41] And for those of you

[00:31:42] who know hockey and Ranger fans

[00:31:44] were mad manic about this stuff.

[00:31:47] In that way, I'm trying to manifest

[00:31:49] that and then I'm trying to use

[00:31:51] that as examples

[00:31:52] in other parts of my life

[00:31:55] to say, well, if I can do it for

[00:31:57] that, then I can do it for this.

[00:31:58] Because I guess my question

[00:32:00] to follow up is

[00:32:01] is this like a stalt?

[00:32:03] Is this a it happens

[00:32:04] across all of our feelings,

[00:32:06] all of our warnings,

[00:32:07] all of our reactions?

[00:32:08] Or can we target it

[00:32:10] at certain things

[00:32:12] first and be able to do

[00:32:14] what I'm trying to do

[00:32:15] and model my new emotional

[00:32:17] intelligence and hockey

[00:32:18] for everything else?

[00:32:19] The system once

[00:32:21] once it becomes

[00:32:22] it starts to come in

[00:32:23] and starts to reprogram the person.

[00:32:25] All areas of their life

[00:32:26] change simultaneously

[00:32:28] and exponentially.

[00:32:29] So somebody may come in

[00:32:31] with relationship issues

[00:32:32] or health issues or business issues

[00:32:34] when they come in for a business

[00:32:35] issue, well, next thing

[00:32:36] you know, the relationships are improving.

[00:32:38] Their health is improving

[00:32:40] when I was a

[00:32:41] I remember back in the 70s

[00:32:43] I was reading articles

[00:32:44] and they said 90 something

[00:32:46] to 95% of all disease

[00:32:47] was caused by stress.

[00:32:49] Now you don't see those articles

[00:32:50] like that anymore.

[00:32:52] And then the last order

[00:32:53] the last time I saw it

[00:32:55] they said 98% of all

[00:32:56] all disease caused by stress.

[00:32:59] There's a lot more stress now.

[00:33:00] Yeah, a lot more

[00:33:01] and a lot more stress now.

[00:33:03] So but if you

[00:33:05] don't think that's by design,

[00:33:06] I mean, there's something going on

[00:33:08] to create customers.

[00:33:10] You know, there's

[00:33:11] there's ways for us to live

[00:33:13] there's ways for us to live

[00:33:15] in a way where

[00:33:16] you know, we can be calm

[00:33:17] in the eye of the storm.

[00:33:18] You go going into a state

[00:33:20] of fire flight in a state

[00:33:22] in a state of tension

[00:33:23] doesn't solve the issue.

[00:33:25] It makes it worse.

[00:33:27] So the person has

[00:33:29] once they begin to

[00:33:32] get this comparison

[00:33:33] Oh, this is what this produces.

[00:33:35] Oh, this is what this produces.

[00:33:37] Then they

[00:33:39] most people start getting

[00:33:40] into this stuff

[00:33:40] because the pain is so great

[00:33:42] they can't take it anymore.

[00:33:44] But at some point in time,

[00:33:46] they start to become a benefit.

[00:33:47] Once they become the benefit,

[00:33:48] that's when like the gas pedal

[00:33:49] really goes down.

[00:33:51] And when you were speaking,

[00:33:54] you were speaking like

[00:33:55] I tried to do this.

[00:33:56] I'm doing something different

[00:33:57] and all those things.

[00:33:58] But you're

[00:33:59] too for this to work.

[00:34:01] You have to speak with

[00:34:03] with specificity

[00:34:05] because the greater levels

[00:34:06] of specificity you speak

[00:34:07] with the greater the level

[00:34:08] of emotions associated with

[00:34:10] with it for this to work.

[00:34:12] You have to speak in such a way

[00:34:13] that you change the feeling in your body.

[00:34:15] If you're just doing it mentally,

[00:34:17] it's a struggle still.

[00:34:19] And you may say maybe you don't

[00:34:20] react as greatly,

[00:34:22] but you still

[00:34:23] you're still not happy and

[00:34:24] enthusiastic about life.

[00:34:26] Hey, honey,

[00:34:27] they will say, hey, honey,

[00:34:28] no matter what,

[00:34:30] no matter whether my captain

[00:34:31] wins this year or not,

[00:34:33] we're going to go out and celebrate

[00:34:34] the end of the series.

[00:34:36] You know, so you do something

[00:34:38] that's going to be

[00:34:39] that's going to produce peace,

[00:34:42] pleasure, you know,

[00:34:42] pleasure and peace together

[00:34:45] and really replace it with

[00:34:46] something very specific.

[00:34:48] You know, wow, you know,

[00:34:49] whether they lend or want to lose,

[00:34:50] I, you know, we, hey, honey,

[00:34:52] we still win.

[00:34:53] And you talk about throwing stuff

[00:34:54] at a TV all that

[00:34:56] a playoff game

[00:34:58] once your playoff game

[00:34:59] for friends of 40 a long time ago

[00:35:01] and the guy took out his gun

[00:35:03] and shot his TV.

[00:35:06] So

[00:35:07] actually, Mark, that's the

[00:35:08] difference between a New York

[00:35:09] reaction and a Texas reaction.

[00:35:11] Actually, New York City reaction.

[00:35:14] They took multiple shots at the

[00:35:15] television.

[00:35:18] Yeah, see you guys.

[00:35:22] When I'm going to come out,

[00:35:24] let's like, I love guns.

[00:35:25] I love alcohol.

[00:35:26] Not that I used to love alcohol.

[00:35:27] I love guns not at the same time,

[00:35:29] man, not at the same time.

[00:35:31] Those two don't make.

[00:35:33] No, no.

[00:35:34] It was one of those big box TV

[00:35:37] show with the big.

[00:35:38] Oh, yeah.

[00:35:39] Yeah.

[00:35:40] Oh, yeah.

[00:35:41] That's even more dangerous, too,

[00:35:42] because of the fumes that might

[00:35:44] come out of the tube.

[00:35:45] Oh, yeah.

[00:35:46] That's right.

[00:35:47] Yeah. 12, 12 guys, man.

[00:35:49] It took 12 guys to a TV.

[00:35:52] Hey, do it.

[00:35:54] Do it right.

[00:35:55] I know that TV is not around anymore.

[00:35:59] Oh, we're somebody dropping a pass.

[00:36:01] I was like, whoa.

[00:36:03] The hell with the 22?

[00:36:04] Give me the shotgun to take out the TV.

[00:36:06] I don't.

[00:36:07] Yeah.

[00:36:07] Well, the 22 at least

[00:36:09] will be accurate, I think the shotgun.

[00:36:11] It's everywhere.

[00:36:12] It's everywhere.

[00:36:13] And talk about woundings that would

[00:36:16] for the shotgun.

[00:36:21] But but I think that's kind of the problem,

[00:36:23] though, is that that emotional reaction

[00:36:25] we get from that that sports

[00:36:29] whatever dropping the ball or whatever.

[00:36:31] That's that that's a perfect manifestation

[00:36:33] about like things at work.

[00:36:35] Like I drop a ball at work,

[00:36:38] you know, or somebody drops the ball at work.

[00:36:40] The first thing we do is we get angry

[00:36:42] or we get upset about it

[00:36:43] instead of trying to help the person.

[00:36:46] Yeah.

[00:36:47] You ever watch a short tank?

[00:36:48] Yes.

[00:36:49] You ever hear that?

[00:36:50] I'll tell you how to say her last name.

[00:36:52] Blonde hair, real sharp blonde hair,

[00:36:54] Lady Barbara, something right.

[00:36:57] I saw her an interview with her

[00:36:58] and she started her real estate company

[00:37:01] with a thousand dollar loan.

[00:37:04] And this was one of those interviews.

[00:37:06] It was a while back and her company

[00:37:08] was worth over a billion and a half at that time.

[00:37:11] And they were asking her

[00:37:13] what had her become so successful?

[00:37:16] I was like, I got to hear this, you know,

[00:37:19] she goes, well, she goes, you know,

[00:37:20] we don't have the best.

[00:37:21] We don't have the best real estate agents.

[00:37:23] She said, we don't have the best client list.

[00:37:27] But she goes, all of our agents

[00:37:29] have one thing in common.

[00:37:32] I was like, holy crap, what is this?

[00:37:34] She was, you know, real estate.

[00:37:35] You win some as you lose some.

[00:37:37] She was all of our agents.

[00:37:39] If they lose a deal,

[00:37:40] they immediately get back up and they get back in the game.

[00:37:43] There's no delay from they don't go back

[00:37:45] and go lick their wounds or go to bar, drink them off.

[00:37:48] They get back up and get back in the game.

[00:37:49] Hey, lost one, let's go back in the game.

[00:37:51] You know, so that particular mindset

[00:37:53] of those particular behavior patterns is,

[00:37:56] I'll say how to say this,

[00:37:57] whatever the reactionary patterns are,

[00:37:59] yeah, they have a trauma surrounding them,

[00:38:02] but they become at some point in time,

[00:38:04] they become a habitual pattern, right?

[00:38:05] Absolutely.

[00:38:06] So once the trauma begins to be shifted,

[00:38:10] now if they're still doing it, that's just a habit.

[00:38:14] So all you do is create a different habit

[00:38:16] and you can, and really what a habit is,

[00:38:19] is the subconscious is doing all the behaviors for you

[00:38:23] even to the like, you don't have to think about it anymore.

[00:38:26] And that's the big deal to do it.

[00:38:29] You know, like there's a,

[00:38:30] there's conscious unconsciousness, right?

[00:38:32] You don't know, you know.

[00:38:34] And then there's unconscious unconscious,

[00:38:38] conscious unconscious, conscious consciousness,

[00:38:40] and then unconscious consciousness.

[00:38:42] So as you move up scale, I'll do it again.

[00:38:46] Unconscious unconsciousness.

[00:38:47] I'm trying to, yeah.

[00:38:49] Yeah, unconscious unconsciousness.

[00:38:50] Like I don't even know what's going on here, man.

[00:38:53] Like blah, blah, blah, right?

[00:38:54] And that conscious unconscious, unconscious unconscious.

[00:38:57] Like you start to see that your unconscious

[00:38:58] is certain areas of life.

[00:38:59] You go, hey, there's some behaviors I could do.

[00:39:01] Like you're noticed about,

[00:39:02] about throwing things at the TV.

[00:39:05] Like, oh my God, unconscious pattern.

[00:39:06] What do I choose to consciously change it?

[00:39:08] So then you become conscious consciousness

[00:39:11] where you're actively taking those things

[00:39:14] and create a new behavior in that moment, right?

[00:39:17] Then unconscious consciousness is where those patterns

[00:39:21] have been in you and it's become your normal,

[00:39:23] your normal reaction.

[00:39:25] So the key to get to that unconscious consciousness

[00:39:30] to greater and greater and greater levels

[00:39:32] is the key to really being able to go past your glass ceilings

[00:39:36] and continue to improve your thriving again and again.

[00:39:40] So there's other systems being able to do it.

[00:39:43] We can reprogram the subconscious in minutes or seconds instead of,

[00:39:48] I mean if you reprogram your subconscious

[00:39:49] in minutes or seconds, would that be worth it to you?

[00:39:52] Absolutely.

[00:39:53] Yeah.

[00:39:54] I mean it would improve our,

[00:39:55] it would improve not just our personal lives

[00:39:57] but our work lives

[00:39:58] because then people would wanna work with us.

[00:40:01] Yeah.

[00:40:02] To go back to what Dwight was saying about fear,

[00:40:05] I think that the problem that we get into again

[00:40:09] in my life, the problem I get into,

[00:40:11] I'll just speak, I won't speak in generalities is

[00:40:13] I fear so much about what might happen

[00:40:17] that it definitely prevents me

[00:40:19] from making that right decision consciously.

[00:40:22] And so the unconscious decision

[00:40:25] to make that right choice consciously

[00:40:27] hadn't really approached yet

[00:40:29] because I haven't been able to allow it to.

[00:40:31] What I found what people fear the most

[00:40:35] is giving up their excuses.

[00:40:37] That's what people give up.

[00:40:39] They fear, give up their identity.

[00:40:41] You know, who would you be if you didn't have that fear?

[00:40:44] Who would you be if you didn't have that story

[00:40:46] and a repetitive story again and again and again?

[00:40:49] And a lot of people talk about

[00:40:51] people have a fear of failure.

[00:40:53] What I found out is people have a fear of success.

[00:40:56] Absolutely.

[00:40:57] And what I mean by that is

[00:41:01] they're, no, they're gonna have to change their life

[00:41:03] to become successful and they fear the change

[00:41:05] that it takes to be successful.

[00:41:08] You know, they're living in failure.

[00:41:09] So it's not like they're terrified of failure.

[00:41:11] They're living in failure.

[00:41:12] They're going from paycheck to paycheck

[00:41:15] or whatever, whatever, you know, all that stuff.

[00:41:17] So they're living a life of failure already

[00:41:21] and to go, like, have you like to go to the center?

[00:41:23] Well, you know, just requiring me to change.

[00:41:25] I'm not sure if I want to change that much.

[00:41:28] The person has to be able to see it, taste it, smell it.

[00:41:31] And then they're gonna, I don't know,

[00:41:32] and trust them, they start to take action

[00:41:34] and then the things start to happen for them.

[00:41:36] So it's gotta, you gotta get a person into a whole new,

[00:41:39] whole new body chemistry to be able to create these shifts.

[00:41:42] And if there's something that's really traumatic

[00:41:45] from the past that's holding on,

[00:41:46] that's creating a, that's holding a space,

[00:41:48] you know, that you got to find those things

[00:41:52] and not just forgive it,

[00:41:53] where the power really comes from

[00:41:55] is finding the blessing in it

[00:41:57] and realizing that that was an integral part of your growth.

[00:42:00] You gotta be able to get the lesson out.

[00:42:02] And embrace it.

[00:42:11] So much swimming in my head right now.

[00:42:14] And I think that gives us an opportunity

[00:42:18] to kind of say this might be a good time

[00:42:20] for people to stop and reflect on that

[00:42:23] because I think especially that last piece

[00:42:27] means so much and would mean so much to a lot of people

[00:42:31] that I think it's probably a good place to end

[00:42:33] because I don't wanna remove that focus

[00:42:37] cause that was a really kind of brilliant way

[00:42:39] of being able to say to people,

[00:42:42] you need to look back, find those things

[00:42:45] and embrace them and challenge them

[00:42:49] and feel how that moves you forward, right?

[00:42:53] Yeah.

[00:42:54] Dr. Sherer, Mark, thank you so much.

[00:42:56] That was awesome.

[00:42:58] Well, welcome guys.

[00:42:59] Thank you for having me on the show.

[00:43:00] Really pleasure meeting you guys.

[00:43:01] Y'all have a great chemistry together.

[00:43:03] BFF.

[00:43:05] BFF, BSS.

[00:43:07] Yes. Whichever one you wanna use.

[00:43:10] Mark, we're gonna have to have you back on

[00:43:12] because one of the things I really wanna explore

[00:43:14] in the future is woundings in the construct of work.

[00:43:18] Yeah.

[00:43:18] And how to, how actually very specifically

[00:43:22] probably how to deal with them

[00:43:24] and in the context of probably workplace violence

[00:43:26] or even in the construct of meetings that goes south.

[00:43:31] I think that would be probably pretty fascinating

[00:43:33] to a lot of people.

[00:43:34] Yeah.

[00:43:35] Can I make a quick comment about that?

[00:43:37] You sure can.

[00:43:38] Yeah.

[00:43:39] Yeah, so some woundings become

[00:43:43] the person's success method

[00:43:46] but those woundings will only get the person

[00:43:49] to a certain level of success.

[00:43:50] You know, like, I'm not gonna let somebody

[00:43:52] take advantage of me or whatever.

[00:43:54] Like they can, I'll give you a real quick example.

[00:43:58] I worked with a company that were doing

[00:44:00] 25 to 35 million a year in sales.

[00:44:03] I'm doing pretty well and they're attempting

[00:44:06] to double their revenue.

[00:44:08] Hired a couple business coaches to do so

[00:44:10] but we're still stuck at that rate.

[00:44:13] And they had a lot of anger in them from childhood stuff.

[00:44:17] So anger propelled them to become that civil society.

[00:44:19] I'm gonna do this to prove my dad or whatever, right?

[00:44:22] Right.

[00:44:22] That's all that anger would allow them to do.

[00:44:25] So when I worked with them,

[00:44:27] they went from 35 million to 350 million in a year.

[00:44:31] Wow.

[00:44:32] And now they're hitting a billion dollars

[00:44:35] within three years in a service industry.

[00:44:38] They must crazy growth guys.

[00:44:40] Yeah.

[00:44:41] So those wounds that the person used

[00:44:44] also can become their success method

[00:44:46] and once when they start getting success from it

[00:44:48] then they tie those things together

[00:44:51] and it gets even tougher for them to create that shift.

[00:44:54] So it takes awareness

[00:44:57] and it takes a lot of courage to look at yourself

[00:44:59] at this level.

[00:45:00] And if people need to get over that,

[00:45:03] they're gonna call you.

[00:45:05] Awesome.

[00:45:06] Ha ha ha.

[00:45:07] Again, thank you so much.

[00:45:08] You're welcome.

[00:45:09] Dwight, thank you.

[00:45:10] Thank you.

[00:45:11] A lot to think about here.

[00:45:13] And thank you all for listening.

[00:45:15] Take care and stay safe.

[00:45:18] That was the HR Data Labs podcast.

[00:45:21] If you liked the episode, please subscribe.

[00:45:24] And if you know anyone that might like to hear it,

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[00:45:28] Thank you for joining us this week

[00:45:29] and stay tuned for our next episode.

[00:45:31] Stay safe.