From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Why High Achieving Women Feel Stuck and How to Take Back Control

[00:00:02] Welcome to Leadership in Motherhood, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women navigating leadership in the boardroom and at home. I'm your host, Leanna Lasky-McGrath, business leader, mom, and certified executive coach. I believe that every woman deserves to create a life and career on her own terms, one that she truly loves. This podcast is here to help you do just that. Let's get started.

[00:00:32] Hi, everyone. Today we're going to be talking about one of my most favorite topics, and that is empowerment. Can you believe that tomorrow is May? This May already? Here in the United States, it's the last month of the school year before the three-ish month summer break. And it's also the month where, in my profession, we offer tri-coaching.

[00:00:58] The second week of May every year, the International Coaching Federation celebrates International Coach Week. And it's a really special time for me because I came into coaching back in 2017. And I got my certification at that time. And I acquired so many tools. And I started coaching clients. And I learned so much. And it really changed my life for the better.

[00:01:22] But it wasn't until 2020 when I was struggling as a new mom and executive that I decided to hire my own coach. I decided to invest in myself for my own life. And I did learn a lot in my coach training that could help me. But in my mind, I was learning all of that so that I could help other people and build a business.

[00:01:43] But when I started hiring coaches, I learned the power of making an investment in myself and telling myself that I'm serious about making this situation better. I'm serious about living in alignment with who I am. And I'm serious about creating the kind of life I want to live.

[00:02:03] That was very different than what I had been doing. I certainly felt like I had control over my life. But when I had a baby, for me, it changed everything. And I felt so out of control and so powerless. And it was like I was at the mercy of this life that I had created and longed for.

[00:02:23] But coaching helped me to see that I am not at the effect of my own life and the people around me and the circumstances happening out there in the world. I am actually in control of my own decisions, of how I spend my time, of how I think about things. Every moment I'm at choice, I have the power to make a decision.

[00:02:47] And if what I'm saying sounds super foreign to you, if you're like, yeah, that sounds like it would be nice, but it's definitely not my reality. And I can't really see how it ever could be. Then I just want to say you have got to give coaching a try because I was there too. I could not see how it could be any different. I could not see how I could ever feel in control of my life again once I had a child.

[00:03:13] But coaching gave me back that control. Coaching is what helped me to create my own dream life and to step more and more into who I am every single day. So during International Coaching Week, we do this thing called Try Coaching, and every ICF certified coach in the world can choose how they want to do it. And the purpose of it is to introduce people to the power of coaching.

[00:03:38] So if you've never tried coaching before, or if you've never tried it with me, because of course we all bring ourselves to coaching and have lots of different approaches, there are lots of different ways to do this, then I want to invite you to a completely free Try Coaching session with me. In the spirit of just getting the word out about this life-changing work, I have chosen to offer a 45-minute session in the month of May.

[00:04:05] And while International Coach Week is the second week of May, since I already have a lot of my calendar for that week, I have gone ahead and opened up a few other times in May on days that I have fewer commitments. So if you have ever been curious about coaching, if you've ever wondered, what is this coaching thing? How can it help me? I want you to come see how it can completely transform your life for the better. Come hop on a session with me. You can bring any topic you want.

[00:04:34] It could be about wanting a promotion at work, about wanting to stick to a workout plan. Maybe it's about finding balance, setting boundaries. Maybe you have a tough conversation coming up that you've been putting off with your boss or your partner or your employee. Whatever is going on for you, bring it to coaching and we'll talk about it.

[00:04:54] And I promise you, you are going to walk away feeling extremely empowered to take the action or make the change or have the conversation or show up how you want to show up. That I can guarantee you. So to claim your free tri-coaching session, head on over to coachleana.com and there's a bar at the top of the page where you can sign up. I really, really hope to see you there. And one of the things that we will likely talk about is empowerment.

[00:05:24] So let me just introduce you to the topic of empowerment. So I decided to go to Google and see what the internet might offer me in terms of a definition of empowerment. Here's what I found. I like this definition.

[00:05:39] Empowerment is the process of granting individuals or communities autonomy, authority, and resources to control their lives, make decisions, and act on their own, strengthening their confidence and capabilities. I love that first part. And I totally, totally agree. And here's the second part of the definition.

[00:06:03] It fosters self-determination, boosts morale in workplaces, and promotes social change, often shifting from a deficit-oriented to a strength-oriented approach. If I were to just simplify it in my words, it's literally giving someone power. And the way it shows up in coaching is often that I'm reminding someone of their power or they're reconnecting with their own power within themselves.

[00:06:30] So here's a question I want you to explore without judgment of yourself, but just with curiosity. How much time are you currently spending feeling disempowered or in victim mentality? It's an interesting one to consider. And again, I'm not asking it in a judgmental way, but more in a curious way because it's really hard to be honest with ourselves when we're judging or shaming ourselves and feeling all of those yucky feelings.

[00:06:57] But if we can be honest with ourselves, it's a very interesting question to answer. And it's important to look at it at work, at home, as a parent, as a partner, out in the world, essentially in all their different relationships and interactions that you might have.

[00:07:14] And also, I think the place where we need to really recognize if we are empowered or disempowered is in the stories that we're telling ourselves or the stories that we are telling other people. Are they empowering stories? Are we telling the story in a way where we are the main character? We are the subject. We are in the driver's seat.

[00:07:40] Or are we telling the story in a way that we are at the affect where things are happening to us, where other people are in control and we're just over here being tossed around in everybody else's world? So I'm going to paint a picture of two women. I want you to imagine that these two women have the exact same set of life and career circumstances.

[00:08:10] Okay, so they're both high achievers. They're both in a high-level position in the same kind of company culture, corporate environment. They both have the same number of children in the same ages, the same level of support from their partner, family, community, etc. They both kind of have the same amount of responsibilities and things on their plate. The external is the same. And so I'm going to paint a picture of each of them.

[00:08:38] So let's talk about person one. We'll call her Jill. When Jill thinks about work and motherhood, life and career, she is really honed in on her top priorities. And she's okay letting other things go. She's okay telling people no if they conflict with those top priorities. She focuses on what brings her joy.

[00:09:00] And she cannot believe that she gets to do this work that she loves, that she gets to be a mom to these amazing kids, and that she gets to live this life. When she's at work, she is at work, and she is focused. And when she's at home, she is at home, and she is present with her family. Sure, the school may call her at work sometimes, and work may call her at home sometimes, but she decides whether or not to answer the phone, and then how much time to spend on the phone.

[00:09:29] And when she notices that she's starting to feel worn out, she stops, she checks in with herself, and then she gives herself what she needs. She takes time off to disconnect and recharge so she can operate at her best. She advocates for herself because she trusts that if she has a need, it's valid. She knows that she can make changes in her life at any point if she wants to. Okay, so that's Jill. Jill, and then let's talk about person number two. We're going to call her Sharon.

[00:09:59] And again, Sharon has the exact same set of circumstances as Jill. When Sharon thinks about her situation or tells other people about it, it's often with a lot of stress and angst. She's often saying things like, I have to work. I have to take the kids here or there. I have so much on my plate. She talks a lot about how overwhelmed she is, about how she's stretched too thin, and she thinks a lot.

[00:10:25] She talks about how it feels like she's being dragged through her days, how everybody's always putting things on her calendar, and more and more things keep getting added to her plate. She never feels like she can take time off or she'll fall behind. She does not feel comfortable saying no because she's afraid it might upset someone. So she often finds herself working late or taking work calls when she's with her family and then feeling a lot of guilt about that.

[00:10:54] If school calls her at work, it feels like it's this huge disruption and it really throws her off because she has to deal with the school. She spends a lot of time at night laying in bed, replaying conversations and scenarios in her head, and she will often start scrolling social media to kind of get her mind off of it and ends up losing a lot of sleep.

[00:11:18] She feels very stuck where she is right now in her life and career, and she does not believe that change is an option. Okay, so as you listen to the descriptions of Jill and Sharon, what did you notice? Of course, I have painted these extreme pictures, and I'm guessing a lot of people are somewhere in between. But I think it is interesting to ask yourself, does your life feel more like Sharon's or does it feel more like Jill's?

[00:11:47] Because remember, Jill and Sharon have the exact same set of circumstances. The only thing that's different is how they're thinking about it and how they're choosing to approach it. I've heard this saying that there are 8 billion people in the world, and somewhere out there, there is someone with the exact same set of circumstances as you who's not letting their circumstances be a reason why they can't live the way they want to live.

[00:12:14] They have the same set of circumstances, and they're enjoying their life. And that's not to make you feel bad. That's not to use against yourself and say that you're doing it wrong or you're not measuring up. That's to give you hope that it is possible. It is possible when you're in an empowered mindset. When you believe that you have the power over your own life, and when you show up to your life with that belief,

[00:12:44] everything is different from when you show up to your life with the belief that everything is happening to you. What if you believe that everything is actually happening for you, in service of you? So if you are listening to this and you're noticing that you are in a disempowered state often, well, first of all, that's a great reason to come to coaching. And also, what I want you to do is ask yourself, where do I have power in this situation?

[00:13:11] And always, always, always, we have the power of how we want to think about the situation. Your boss may come to you and say, hey, guess what? The board has decided to sell the company. Deal's done. Signed. It's happening. You may not have the power to change it, and you may wish that you did, but the power that you have in that moment is how you decide to think about it.

[00:13:38] Do you want to think about it in a doomsday kind of way? And oh my God, this is the worst thing that could happen. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm so worried. Or do you want to think about it like, huh, that's interesting. I wonder what led them to that decision. And I wonder where the opportunities are here. I'm going to start brainstorming opportunities. I remember talking to a client who had gone through a few acquisitions earlier in her career,

[00:14:04] and she said that in her first one, she was so stressed and so worried. She was overworking and trying to figure out what was going to happen, trying to control everything. And then after doing lots of coaching together, the company she was working for went through an acquisition, and she actually noticed that other people around her were acting like that. Like she had in the past, but she actually felt really calm about the whole thing.

[00:14:32] It was kind of like, I accept the circumstances as they are, and I'm going to do everything in my power, and what happens is going to happen. And that's what's in your control, your attitude, your thinking, your approach, the actions that you take. We think we have to have control over all the things outside of us. And when we don't, then it feels very disorienting. It feels like a big problem, and we feel very out of control.

[00:15:02] But the reality is, is that we have control over ourselves. You have control over how you think and what actions you take. You have control over your responses to any situation, to anyone's bullshit, to anything anyone says to you. That is where your power lies, and you have so much more power over that than you think. All right, come to a coaching session with me.

[00:15:29] I promise it will change your life for the better, and you will leave feeling so much more empowered. CoachLiana.com is where you can sign up, and I really, really hope to see you there. Have a great week, everyone. I'll see you next week. Thank you so much for listening to Leadership in Motherhood. I genuinely hope you're walking away with something helpful that will positively impact your life. If this podcast resonates with you, it would mean the world to me if you'd support the show

[00:15:55] by leaving a five-star rating on Apple or Spotify, sharing an episode you love with someone you care about, and or by following the show. I hope you'll join me again next week. And until then, I'm wishing you all the best in this season of your one and only Precious Life.