Transforming Adversity: Luis Velasquez on Ordinary Resilience and Personal Growth

[00:00:02] Hi everybody, this is Bob Goodwin and welcome to another episode of Career Club Live.

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[00:00:10] Today's episode is brought to you by what we call Career Club Corner, which is a free call that

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[00:00:41] community and we hope that you find value in that.

[00:00:45] So today's episode is near and dear to my heart.

[00:00:49] We're going to be talking about resilience today with Luis Velasquez and I'll do a proper introduction

[00:00:54] here in a minute, but the mental toll that job search takes on so many of our clients is enormous.

[00:01:07] And I'm very excited about what Luis is going to share.

[00:01:09] So before I get ahead of myself, let me just do an introduction of Luis's background is incredible.

[00:01:15] So I'm going to read this if you don't mind.

[00:01:18] So again, honored to have a Luis Flask as with me today an expert in resilience and leadership.

[00:01:22] Luis is the author of ordinary resilience, rethinking how effective leaders adapt and thrive.

[00:01:29] It's compelling book that I really enjoyed it that draws on his personal journey of overcoming a brain tumor

[00:01:35] and his professional experiences in executive coach.

[00:01:38] He's also the founder and principal of AS coaching where he works with leaders to develop their resilience

[00:01:43] and optimize performance, Lisa's a PhD from Michigan State in what else bought him molecular plant pathology.

[00:01:50] But also an MBA in organizational leadership from Ashford University.

[00:01:55] Not only that, he also facilitates the interpersonal dynamics curriculum at Stanford University's Business School.

[00:02:01] In addition to all of that, he's a frequent contributor of Harvard Business Review, fast company and other publications you probably read.

[00:02:08] But what I really like is that this unique blend of personal anecdotes and practical insights

[00:02:14] and teaches us how to embrace challenges, face fears, build meaningful relationships and find an restraint.

[00:02:21] So Luis, I am super excited to have you on and with that welcome.

[00:02:26] Thank you Bob, I am excited to be here as well.

[00:02:29] Thank you so much for having me.

[00:02:31] So as is my want to do, I've got just a handful of icebreaker questions that I respectfully write into our topic.

[00:02:40] So the easy one is where we born and raised.

[00:02:46] I was born in Guatemala, Central America.

[00:02:49] Very, very tiny, tiny, well at that time it was tiny, things have changed over a few years now.

[00:02:56] But up in the month and seeing Guatemala and then I was raised there until I came to the United States on a scholarship and started my education card.

[00:03:06] How were you became the US?

[00:03:09] I was 14. I'm not sure, I was 17. I left my house when I was 14 and I came to the United States when I was 17.

[00:03:17] Almost about the 2018.

[00:03:20] At a time when I was growing up, there was, what a mother has a history of civil war that it was horrendous.

[00:03:29] And there were almost 200,000 people died at a result of that.

[00:03:34] There was a lot of political instability which led to the violence when the war ended.

[00:03:47] Part of the agreement, but the possibility by the United States at the time, is to develop those areas.

[00:03:54] And one problem that they have at the specific was to bring people from that area into the state so they can learn English and scale and come back and be the biggest of change.

[00:04:09] And I was 14 enough to be selected and come here.

[00:04:12] And then after I finished, I went back and completed my my obligation.

[00:04:16] But what that did to me was amazing because I realized, oh my god, there is so much I can do to you know for myself.

[00:04:24] Because back then if you think about that, my world ended at the end of my village.

[00:04:29] That's it, that's my world, that's all I knew.

[00:04:32] When I came here, the possibility is open and then I realized I need to go back and continue my education.

[00:04:38] And after my commitment was fulfilled, I came back and did what I did?

[00:04:43] No, wow, well I'm sure more of this will come out as we get into your story.

[00:04:49] You might paint just a little bit of the picture, Lisa, if you're career or I can't let you do where you are today.

[00:04:57] My career is, well I know now as an extremely coach but I didn't start it as an extremely coach.

[00:05:04] Actually what I started as you know, I grew up in a farm, you know, so I wanted to become a farmer.

[00:05:10] And that's what I came to the United States and learned, you know, went to the Central Valley, you know, to learn how to grow vegetables,

[00:05:17] So my brother in community college experience.

[00:05:20] When back to Guatemala and the work in a farm and it was a rose farm, it was amazing, it was beautiful there, you know.

[00:05:30] I remember, you know, if I had a girlfriend at that time, if I could give her a rose, I will have, you know, roses do it for an entire year.

[00:05:39] So it was amazing.

[00:05:41] When I came back to the States, I continue on my journey of learning agriculture but I also took some science classes and I probably know with science.

[00:05:52] I was like, oh my god, you know, that's what I want to do. So I switched and I got a master's in a plant biotechnology and then at the time I was recruited by several universities including Michigan State and I went to Michigan State.

[00:06:07] I got a PhD in molecular biology and plant pathology and then I became a professor.

[00:06:12] So at the moment I thought, okay, that's it, you know, all I need to do is publish a few papers and everything.

[00:06:18] And life is very interesting, you know, sometimes we are, we are the carpet is polar on the rock or we were thrown a curveball.

[00:06:30] My curveball came in the form of an abring tumor.

[00:06:34] So when I, you know, imagine, you know, you were so hard for everything and then all of the sudden, you know, you're the atmosphere of a brain tumor.

[00:06:42] And long story short, I didn't survive, I didn't, my career didn't survive, I did but neither my marriage nor my professional dreams survived.

[00:06:54] So that was one of the big shifts that I had to do, I had to deal with it because the doctor told me, you know, hey, listen, you know, you have to accept your reality and your reality is a problem, you will be teaching for a long time.

[00:07:14] And so I had to adapt and I had to figure out how kind of brain brain bend myself.

[00:07:22] And decided to become a consultant, you know, and then I became a consultant, I traveled the world doing consulting work.

[00:07:31] I came back to the United States in 2007 and unfortunately 2013, the tumor came back.

[00:07:43] So I had to go back for surgery and I was afraid that it was going to be like the first time around, but it wasn't in God.

[00:07:51] However, you know, the company that I was working for realized that at a moment they say they couldn't keep my job because in a less as more company, I was expecting for them.

[00:08:00] So they couldn't keep my job so I was to let go.

[00:08:03] When I came back from the surgery which was really fast and recovery was really fast and I can explain why I think it was like that.

[00:08:14] I realized that I needed to do something else, something different.

[00:08:19] And so I started looking for a job and it was hard to find a job.

[00:08:24] And then, you know, I was sitting in a, in a, in a job interview and the person that was interviewing me told me,

[00:08:32] Luis, well, no, we're not hiring you. We're not going to hire you. You don't fit in this culture.

[00:08:35] And the reason why I'm telling you this is because I don't fit here too.

[00:08:40] Will you mind?

[00:08:42] I'm looking for someone to help me transition.

[00:08:45] Will you help me transition?

[00:08:47] And that was a little, you know, a light bulb in my head.

[00:08:51] And the moment they say, I sure, I, I have you.

[00:08:54] And so I started stopping, I stopped looking for a job and I started looking for clients.

[00:08:59] And that was how I started my coaching practice.

[00:09:02] And then it turned out that I think that I've been very fortunate that people were going to work with me and people that actually do well.

[00:09:12] So I, I, I, I, I, I got hired by Google to coach at Google.

[00:09:16] And then I ended up also a facilitated to as a university, Stanford University.

[00:09:23] So here we are.

[00:09:25] So so obviously the brain tumor, the recurrence of the tumor must have, well, tell us how that's basically started to shape your idea of resilience and what resilience means and and how that may be.

[00:09:43] I'll put it in this and play it a role.

[00:09:45] Yeah, let me, let me, let me close my door. Sure.

[00:09:48] Okay, okay.

[00:09:52] We have a, I got the nerve next door. Okay, no worries.

[00:09:57] Very good.

[00:09:58] So you know, when I started writing, I didn't, I started writing a book.

[00:10:03] I get used to reason why I say that when I started writing my dad,

[00:10:07] when I was growing up how the portable accident, like, the portable portable accident,

[00:10:13] when he came back from the accident, he was a change man.

[00:10:17] And then all of the sudden he started being successful, you know.

[00:10:20] And even though he wasn't physical able, he did so much more after he became after the accident, just put it away.

[00:10:29] You know, I mean he was, he wasn't able to work for more than almost a year and a half.

[00:10:34] Yet somehow he started, you know, because started building his own business and, and just to give you an idea,

[00:10:41] you know, when I was growing up, I asked him for a bicycle.

[00:10:44] I could laugh at me because he couldn't afford one, you know.

[00:10:48] When my little sister went to college, he bought her a house and a car.

[00:10:53] And that is a power of buying that is completely different from like grew up.

[00:11:03] So the lesson there is be the baby.

[00:11:06] Be the baby. Yes.

[00:11:07] Please, the baby.

[00:11:08] You never want to be the oldest kid. You always want to be the baby.

[00:11:12] So when I, you know, when I started, you know, like when I went through my own journey of the brain tumor,

[00:11:19] you know, reinventing myself, losing my wife and everything.

[00:11:22] I got a good, as an example on my dad.

[00:11:30] But he is the one thing that I realized is that when I was telling people my story,

[00:11:35] just like you reacted today, you know, my God, you're so resilient and they will say you're so resilient.

[00:11:40] Oh my God, you're so strong. How do you do that?

[00:11:42] And in my mind, I was thinking, I don't, I don't do anything different.

[00:11:49] So the genesis of the book was to understand myself, I'm like that.

[00:11:53] I wanted to see what makes me, according to some people, so resilient.

[00:11:59] So I started writing stories, you know, writing stuff and that's how the, how is the genesis of the book started.

[00:12:04] He said, so I didn't connect resilience who I was until I started doing research

[00:12:09] and resilience is by the way, is the term that I realized, oh,

[00:12:15] Vc is what is happening to me.

[00:12:17] Vc is what my dad is going through.

[00:12:19] So it wasn't like, it wasn't like, resilience wasn't out of the reflection on writing,

[00:12:27] right then that I'm not, I'm a resilient, the virtual, and this is why.

[00:12:31] Does that mean that?

[00:12:32] No, no, I love that because, you know, what you did was you went to an exam in the roots

[00:12:38] of who you are and why you have become the way that you are,

[00:12:43] what you found was the fruit of that was, oh, that's called resilience, right?

[00:12:48] So this wasn't an academic paper on the topic of resilience.

[00:12:53] This was self-reflection on whom I would, you know, and as you said, your father,

[00:12:58] which is really powerful, really powerful.

[00:13:02] And then through, there's a great expression in, this is a quote from somebody I've done.

[00:13:08] I don't remember, but he says, my thoughts clarify when they pass through my lips and my fingertips.

[00:13:16] So doing this writing down and just like kind of just really working it out,

[00:13:21] and I'll send the patterns start to emerge.

[00:13:24] So literally, you know, when I was writing, I had the incredible,

[00:13:34] amazing fortune that the million people in that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

[00:13:37] sparked the idea of the book.

[00:13:39] And he's how he was, he said it.

[00:13:42] Luis, you know, we were talking and I was telling him the story that I was telling you right,

[00:13:47] you know, like he said to me, you need to write a book.

[00:13:49] This is important.

[00:13:50] And I'm like, how?

[00:13:51] I don't understand, you know what, well, I'm not a writer.

[00:13:54] I can write, but I'm not a writer.

[00:13:56] So he said, you know, write to stories, you know, what stories are you had?

[00:13:59] And that's what I was doing, and that's what I continue doing right in the stories.

[00:14:04] But to your point, the reflection sometimes is known as a certainly in the moment

[00:14:09] but it's after you made the connections.

[00:14:12] So what happened was that I had like a bunch of stories, you know,

[00:14:15] and then, you know, he asked me one day, hey, how are you doing?

[00:14:20] You know, how many stories do you have?

[00:14:21] I have so many, and they said, you know, like let's meet and figure out how can we use those stories for your book?

[00:14:28] Well, what happened was the following is that I would tell him, you know, he will ask me,

[00:14:32] what is this story about?

[00:14:34] X. What is story about? X.

[00:14:36] And then all of the sort of five files became made of it.

[00:14:40] And it's those five files, like I said, that's your book.

[00:14:44] That's the essence of your book.

[00:14:45] What I've had discovered at a moment, he was in about the book, but he was, oh,

[00:14:50] that's how am I that did. That's how I do it.

[00:14:53] And that's the, that's the geniuses of the principles of resilience of the book.

[00:14:59] Well, that's a massive epiphany.

[00:15:03] And we're going to, I'm going to use this as the opportunity to jump into the five

[00:15:09] files, if you will, and we'll call them pillars, but the five files, that's fine.

[00:15:16] But the title of the book is ordinary resilience.

[00:15:21] Do you mind sharing with folks why you call it ordinary resilience?

[00:15:26] Yeah, so, um, at a game, you know, if I think about going back to what I shared earlier

[00:15:30] is that people will say, how are you doing this, you know, you have one through this.

[00:15:35] And in my mind, I was thinking, I haven't done anything special, nothing special.

[00:15:39] And I think that the way I, I, the connection between that and ordinary is the realization that

[00:15:47] we have everything that we need to have in order to take the first step.

[00:15:52] And that's all the word resilient does is we need to take it started.

[00:15:55] We need to take the first step and start their journey, whatever we want to go.

[00:16:00] And it's a process of adaptation, you know, like, I mean, we as humans going back to my years of, uh, of

[00:16:06] going, we're the most adaptive and the most resilient, the species of the earth.

[00:16:12] But that didn't happen overnight.

[00:16:14] You said, I'm saying, that happened over a long period of time.

[00:16:17] And I think that we all have access to the same things that we all have access to.

[00:16:24] What we need to do is to embody those and be on what is the word intentional about

[00:16:32] exploiting what we already have?

[00:16:35] Now in the process, you will get a stronger, you will get more and people will be more resilient.

[00:16:41] But you're a regular resilient.

[00:16:42] We already have everything that we need to get to, to take the first step.

[00:16:47] So that is the, that is the, the, the genesis.

[00:16:51] Let's put it out where the connection, why I call the ordinary when the reality is that people say

[00:16:57] that it's a, it's a, it's not, it is such ordinary and well-to-have access to it.

[00:17:03] So that's such an important point.

[00:17:05] And I just want to make sure that, you know, listeners and viewers don't miss that.

[00:17:11] That while your story certainly has some really, wow elements to it, like, you know,

[00:17:18] brain cancer or not brain cancer, brain tumor twice your father's story, the immigrant story,

[00:17:24] like all of that is, you know, very unique to you.

[00:17:29] But everybody has their own unique story.

[00:17:32] And I think that this process of writing down your stories is your friend and courage you

[00:17:37] to do.

[00:17:38] Everyone has that opportunity.

[00:17:40] And I think, you know, what we see, this is related is in job search, people need to write down their stories.

[00:17:48] Literally they need to write down, it's starting to relive their career a little bit.

[00:17:53] And also they start to see things that they hadn't seen before about, you know, what, what is made them successful and what,

[00:18:03] why were they uniquely gifted?

[00:18:05] And again, everybody has something.

[00:18:09] And I appreciate what you're saying that this is available to everybody, not people that run ultramarathons

[00:18:15] and, you know, really kind of 1% kinds of things.

[00:18:21] This is very much accessible to people.

[00:18:24] And let's say if you don't mind, I'd kind of like just, if nothing else at the interest of time because we'll go way over

[00:18:30] is you talked about the five piles.

[00:18:34] Can we just kind of visit each one of those for a few minutes?

[00:18:38] Yeah.

[00:18:38] So as I said, you know, the five piles became evident and pile number one was I call it embrace the suck.

[00:18:47] Because there's people here embrace the suck.

[00:18:51] Okay, what does that mean?

[00:18:52] What it means is that a lot of times, you know, like this, don't you see, like this heart, you say, like this, I mean,

[00:18:59] bring two more, you know, you lose a job, you know, you espouse works, are you?

[00:19:04] Like is hard.

[00:19:07] And we have to accept that, but not only accept it, but also that's used as a catalytic for the future.

[00:19:17] Oh my god, my life is great awesome, she left.

[00:19:20] What else can I do? You know, the example that I have is one time, you know, I was coaching, you know, an organization.

[00:19:28] And I have a horrible, horrible coaching engagement with one individual.

[00:19:32] And as a result of that, they let me go and with that was 40% of my income.

[00:19:39] And I was like, oh my gosh, but that opened all the opportunities.

[00:19:43] He's saying so sometimes embracing the suck meaning, okay, I accept it, it's done.

[00:19:50] I'm going to love it. I'm going to see how can you say it so I can move forward.

[00:19:54] So that's number one.

[00:19:55] Oh, by the way, when I said him, please, there's also a mantra attached to it. And the mantra is, what are you going to do about that?

[00:20:03] What am I going to do about that? You know, back in the old days whenever something was happening, I will say, you know, what am I going to do about it?

[00:20:10] When I say, what am I going to do about it? When am I going to do about it? When am I asking myself that question, is almost like, as a as a as a as a cold to watch them, you know, I have to do something.

[00:20:19] But Luis, why can't I just get stuck in it's not fair to like I hear the embrace of suck. But if you knew how unfair this was, like I didn't deserve whatever happened to me and like I just can't get past this isn't fair.

[00:20:39] You know, I mean, life is not fair. Going back to that, you know, life is hard. You said I'm saying, I like the key here is a realization that we look for by the way, you know, don't get me wrong here.

[00:20:52] We can come with the incredible amount of excuses, you know, we like it's not fair, you know, I wasn't ready, you know, my boss doesn't like me, you know, blah, blah, blah.

[00:21:02] The irony of that is that all of us are valid.

[00:21:06] Is that all of us are valid, they make sense, but they don't let you move forward. So yes, acknowledge that say, you know what life is not fair, absolutely isn't fair.

[00:21:18] Isn't it right to me right now? What am I going to do about it? Yeah.

[00:21:33] That's what that has been always, always a little fear in my life. And the reality is that fear is a constant companion for us.

[00:21:44] And the way I see it, I'm a mantra has always, I don't want to be fearless. I want to feel less.

[00:21:50] Okay, so let's say that when I don't want to be fearless, which is one word, but I want to fear less.

[00:21:57] Go ahead. Because the means of you start doing the things that you're afraid of, the fear starts to disappear.

[00:22:06] So I remember, you know, when I, you know, cold calling for me was horrible. I got it.

[00:22:12] And sometimes people are find themselves, they're hard on it, connect to people that are looking for jobs, you know?

[00:22:18] So hey, you know, you need to figure out, embrace the soft that I don't have any, I don't have anyone in that company.

[00:22:25] And then the fear is like, I don't want to be fearless, but I want to fear less.

[00:22:29] Therefore, I want to call somebody today, just a person.

[00:22:33] And once you start, you know, it's like a little machine that continues on, on gaming.

[00:22:38] So all of the sudden, you're not able to do whatever you want to do if you start from the perspective that it's okay to be fearful.

[00:22:46] But if you start shipping out of the fear, that fear turns into something else.

[00:22:52] So number two, first, a pacifist, three is relationships, build relationships.

[00:22:59] And I look back on my, all the people who people will moments in my life.

[00:23:04] I can see one person either, one person gave me an opportunity, one person gave me a challenge, one person gave me a job, one person pushed me,

[00:23:11] one person left me, he says, and the reality is that we need others all the time.

[00:23:21] I think it's one of the things that I tell people, don't my clients, is that we need to be relentless about asking for feedback and ways to get to improve because we need others to know ourselves.

[00:23:34] Well, that's what the person that encouraged you to write your stories down.

[00:23:38] Like, for lootly, I could, I would never happen if that person didn't say that to me at that moment.

[00:23:46] Now, Lily, I'm sorry, I want to just talk about this for a minute because this is something that comes up so often is in more own relationships intentional relationships right now is, dude, I don't have time.

[00:24:00] Like, I've got a full-time job, I've got a family, I have a lot of obligations and responsibilities.

[00:24:07] And if you're talking about networking right now, like, dude, I don't have time for that.

[00:24:12] Well, you know, I guarantee, or if you ask that person, and as then, you know, what are you considered strategically?

[00:24:20] What do you need to do to make sure that a project at work is successful?

[00:24:24] You need to plan, you need to plan.

[00:24:28] We need to give ourselves the same value that the projects I work on the organizations I've worked for too.

[00:24:35] So we need to plan our careers, we need to plan our future and building relationships is different for networking.

[00:24:42] What I'm talking about building relationships, I'm building relationships, I gotta say, you know, it has been one of the key elements for my success.

[00:24:54] So saying, I don't have time, man, I gotta tell you, that's an excuse.

[00:25:02] And that is a mental model that you need to change your head.

[00:25:05] That building relationship is as strategic as going to school.

[00:25:11] Okay, so that's number three, number four.

[00:25:15] Number four is finding your inner strength.

[00:25:20] Okay, going back to going back to, you know, we have already everything that we have in order to be successful in order to take a first step.

[00:25:28] And you mentioned something about expertise.

[00:25:30] Remember at the very beginning, you said, you know, there's an experts, and I think that there are three levels of expertise.

[00:25:37] People that do the research, they're experts.

[00:25:40] People that write about the research, they're experts.

[00:25:45] But there is another level of expertise is people that live.

[00:25:50] And that's what I am.

[00:25:52] You said, I am an expert in the resilience, no because I did research, no because I write about it, but because I live it.

[00:25:58] So for other, you know, for people that are looking for jobs, they need to find your expertise.

[00:26:03] What is the expertise, whether you write, whether you, you know, you do a research or where you live in it,

[00:26:09] you need to frame ourselves and, and label ourselves in a way that is useful.

[00:26:20] Not only for ourselves, for the people that we want, then we want to hire, people that we're looking for that to hire us.

[00:26:28] So so I want to see there's a connection between two ideas, maybe.

[00:26:32] Because we talked earlier about fearing less, right?

[00:26:37] And you also kind of foundational, all of this is we all have the capabilities, right, to be resilient.

[00:26:44] We very have a lot of people that I talk to do not have at least in this season of life, a real sense of inner strength.

[00:26:55] In fact, they feel very weak and because they feel very weak, they're very afraid, because they don't think that they've got the asset.

[00:27:02] If you will, to face their things that they're afraid of.

[00:27:09] So they feel weak, therefore they behave weakly and they've got this whole narrative.

[00:27:16] It's a pretty negative cycle. How would you coach somebody who's feeling that way?

[00:27:21] You know, one of the questions that I asked people is, yeah, I say, you know, I'm not something individual, I know the minimum of coaches are dealing with that situation.

[00:27:32] So one question that I asked them is, hey, tell me about your, tell me about what you asked me earlier, tell me about your childhood.

[00:27:39] You know, and they tell me a couple of stories on that and I just grabbed a few turns that resonate with me.

[00:27:46] And then I said, you know, the way I see is, hey, you know, you seem to be that you're persistent, isn't it, you value relationships?

[00:27:54] And it seems to me that X, you know, why do you think about that? And they say, you know, that resonates with me.

[00:28:00] What ask who you are? You have to embrace that. So that's one way of doing it.

[00:28:04] The other way of doing it is, like for instance, you know, I do 360s, you know, 360s and one of the first questions that I asked people is, hey, you know, if you, when you think about what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

[00:28:18] And it's incredible, you know, the amount of information that you can, you can, you can, the center from one question.

[00:28:24] You know, oh, he's kind, you know, he's a power-fascist, no-louchable, you know, so then we narrow down to three things, you know,

[00:28:32] No-louchable, insightful and relationship oriented. That's who you are.

[00:28:36] He says, don't say, things that you need to start leaving and start emphasizing it, so you can't brand yourself, you can, you can brand yourself, it's such.

[00:28:45] You said, I'm sorry. So I think that is not about, I don't have it. I think that is about, I haven't found it yet.

[00:28:54] So so I want to pick up on that point. So again, in a lot of the coaching that we do with people, and the way I say this might be crude, but is people tend to be not very self-aware,

[00:29:08] and to the extent that they are, they often lack the vocabulary. So whether it's how I talk to myself, my inner narrative or how I talk to other people, an external narrative,

[00:29:22] if I don't have the awareness and the words to go with that awareness, like then that's fairly problematic.

[00:29:33] And I really enjoy what you're saying, whether it's through 360s, which again, I'm a huge fan of because people often tend to see us more kindly than we see ourselves.

[00:29:44] And just from a different lens, because there's seen us from different places, is extremely helpful. And then, you know, I don't know, maybe I like to talk about this, if there's any assessments that we use strengths finder as an example to help people,

[00:30:03] because it again provides an objective view into what makes them tick, what makes them unique, what makes them strong by definition.

[00:30:13] And it's a real epithinous for people that I do have these qualities, I do have inner strengths and they're external to my job, like this is who I am. These are durable qualities about me.

[00:30:30] Could you build on that? So here is the one thing that I have seen with people who are looking for jobs, the resumes. And they write at least the poll, the things they've done.

[00:30:42] I mean, I did this, I did this. What I have found, these are organizations that are not going to hire you based on what you've done, but based on what you will be able to do with what you have learned.

[00:30:56] Correct. And usually that is another element that you can attach to who you are. Like for instance, if you ask me who I am, three things I am, I am persistent.

[00:31:07] I am optimistic and I am committed commitment persistence and optimism. So I can actually frame myself on those three things based on everything else that I've done in my life, because that represents those three things.

[00:31:26] And that's what companies are looking for. You see I'm saying people that are authentic, people that are strong, people that have a sense of who they are and what they're willing to do is not much about the, what is the work, the functional components of work.

[00:31:42] But rather is how are you going to do and how are you going to apply what you have learned in the future organization?

[00:31:50] Yeah. So, so it's such a great point. You're right because people, and really if I saw, I mean there's a part of a resume like you've got your accomplishments on there and I did this, I did that, I did the third thing.

[00:32:02] I believe that what you're talking about is some of the how and the why. Right, because I kind of don't care exactly what you did it to like because I'm not hiring you to work at the light.

[00:32:14] When I really care about it is how you did it because that's the part that you're going to bring to me this role.

[00:32:21] And again, why I think it's so important that people understand these aspects because those are the durable transferable qualities. Now you telegraph something I want you to, I know we have one more point to make here just a second.

[00:32:36] But you just sort of said persistence commitment and optimism do you mind kind of explaining how that's reform?

[00:32:44] Yeah. So, as I was writing the book, you know, I mean, I came over with this five pillars let's put it that way but there was a higher level of that and you know build relationships, you know everybody build relationships, you know,

[00:33:00] and you're a strange, but the reality is that the inner, the formula comes from my values and who I am.

[00:33:11] So, so I am persistent, my optimistic and I am committed and he is how that becomes I have a permanent this call resilience is equal to commitment.

[00:33:23] We come here if I am going to find a job, I'm going to be committed to find a job but I mean committed.

[00:33:31] You know, when I said committed is like, hey listen, I'm a fine job now you can find a job is a job now.

[00:33:38] You know, you're a good job, you're going to give me 10 hours a day of commitment is that to show your commitment.

[00:33:48] Persistence is to understand that it's not a lot of easy there's a lot of rejection there's a lot of here but the reality is that if you are persistent.

[00:34:00] Hearing less every time that you are in, you know, facing the sock every time you are in, they progress, you know and the last part is optimism and it is I believe the optimism is the most important component of this formula because if you're not optimistic.

[00:34:18] You are the just commitment and persistent is a recipe for disappointment and it's a recipe for burnout.

[00:34:26] You gotta have an optimistic view of that and what I mean about optimistic is what you mentioned earlier is the end game.

[00:34:33] I'm going to get a job in Google, I'm going to get a job here because that's the goal.

[00:34:37] You see what I'm saying so that allows me then to continue being committed but also to do the hard work.

[00:34:47] That is fine job, you know whatever that is.

[00:34:50] So it's not easy the story of the drivers of resilience.

[00:34:56] Yeah, so just to recap for people it's commitment plus persistence multiplied by optimism.

[00:35:06] All right, so that's the optimism.

[00:35:09] Optimism is the multiplier is the multiplier if you got zero optimism you got zero resilience exactly and so the stock deal paradox.

[00:35:25] Right, you know where we're prisoner of war and like the people that are right what we're going to get by Valentine's day we're going to get out by Memorial day we're going to get up by 4th of July and it never happened and they lost hope.

[00:35:40] Yeah, which is I'll use that as synonymous with optimism for a minute and you have nothing if you have if you don't have hope the paradox is I don't know when I don't know how.

[00:35:54] Right, so that's the embracing suck part it is what it is we're in the handle of a hilton right now and it's not great.

[00:36:01] I have a brain tumor it's not great my wife left me it's not great it's not like you know painting a pretty face on an ugly situation it's embracing the suck this is not great.

[00:36:14] Yeah, but I choose to believe it's going to be better and that I can control through persistence and commitment getting to a better place is that fair.

[00:36:26] Absolutely, yep, you know things you know I do all three marathons you know I run the hundred miles to tell you that he does ultra marathon self force and ultra marathon anything over a marathon everything over the market but I don't know but a hundred marathons but I run ultra marathon so well you know like a hundred miles or races.

[00:36:45] And this is very interesting saying it the ultra marathon community you know and if you're feeling well.

[00:36:53] Blink. You know if you feel in bad just blink you know what I mean by that is that.

[00:37:00] Things you feel differently you know as the journey continues you still in the journey.

[00:37:06] You know the the the the the the the the the the a hundred mile race goal is there.

[00:37:13] It's not going to be easy because ups and downs but the key here is understanding that when you feel in bad is just temporary.

[00:37:21] You will soon feel better and that's okay because we will feel about again but the end of the day you will get to the finish line.

[00:37:27] So so let's get to the last one because I think this is probably really court of the whole thing which is solving for fulfillment.

[00:37:38] Can you talk about fulfillment and inner values.

[00:37:42] Yeah so I'm.

[00:37:45] Let me see how can I explain so so so when I was you know reading the you know when I tried to figure out my life and trying to figure out yeah this book or whatever you know I realize that originally started with those.

[00:37:56] For components you know and I was reading a book by Simon Synek.

[00:38:03] You know they started with why yep and I was like wow that's very interesting you know component very interesting idea and I decided I'm going to find my wife what's my wife why and I couldn't figure it out.

[00:38:17] So I ended up.

[00:38:18] Imailing came my he connected in one of his consultants and I actually hired one of his consultants and and I think I identify my wife.

[00:38:28] He is my wife.

[00:38:30] To refrain the important moments so we cannot adapt and try.

[00:38:36] Let me repeat that to refrain the important moments so we cannot adapt and try and I think that that is my purpose and that's how I do that's what I do every day.

[00:38:45] And I do it with my children I do with my wife I do it myself and I remember.

[00:38:51] I don't know if you remember your first memory as a child.

[00:38:57] Yes.

[00:38:59] I do my memory was this my dad was a truck driver.

[00:39:04] And and and he will go and days completely three or four days in the road.

[00:39:10] I was probably you know I may I was probably at four or five when this happened.

[00:39:16] If we would play hide and seek.

[00:39:20] And he's gone was whenever he was about to leave he was an English play hide and seek.

[00:39:25] You know, and I will start looking for him and he will go to work for three days.

[00:39:30] He was looking for him.

[00:39:33] You know when I was still looking at getting up in the morning I was looking for him.

[00:39:37] But I realized that in the back of my mind I realized that he was gone.

[00:39:43] So for me and a moment was reframing he being gone as a as a play kind of seek is how I was coping with his absence.

[00:39:52] Yes.

[00:39:53] Over time I realized that that's what I do that's what I've been doing you know back in Guatemala.

[00:39:58] Reframing was a defense mechanism we don't have enough food today or let's put it away.

[00:40:02] Is that I'm saying with this let's pretend and I realize that that's what I've been doing all my life and including now.

[00:40:10] So one of the premises of the book one of the things that I asked the other book is I know that for us to act differently.

[00:40:17] We need to think differently and in order for us to think differently we need to see differently.

[00:40:25] And that's what we're framing is see differently so now when you see things differently then you this a change.

[00:40:33] And that's what we're doing.

[00:40:34] But the same part has to be based on the fulfillment part you know like for instance when I say I refrain things that's what I enjoy doing you know I can do that with everyone.

[00:40:46] You know and that's what I do as a coach you know so I cover I have a client who's who's who's why is to help people in need.

[00:41:02] That's the first thing you know and she was having a hard time at work you know especially did she started a coaching circle for herself and other people that were having that.

[00:41:11] That's and she was overwhelmed she has so much work to do yet she added more work by because it is coaching practices that completely change her mentality about the word that she was doing because now there is.

[00:41:27] The word yes actually was actually so it's a lot of times you confuse.

[00:41:35] I was really met with satisfaction or passion satisfaction very selfish.

[00:41:42] He said they I am passionate about cars you know I am passionate about computers.

[00:41:48] But we'll make this I am passionate I am I want to work on transportation.

[00:41:54] You say I'm saying good regards but is the end game rather than the what.

[00:42:01] Yes does that make sense?

[00:42:03] And totally and and so this is one thing that I really enjoyed about your book because I think this is really kind of getting at the essence of things and why this is more than just.

[00:42:13] I'm getting your teeth and trying harder this is actually allowing you to become the person you want to be it's how you want to see yourself how you do see yourself and how you want to see yourself it's intrinsic organic motivation.

[00:42:28] And that's very hard to extinguish it's very hard to extinguish and that's what allows you to you said to blank and keep going because this is core to my identity.

[00:42:43] And I need I like I just need to do this because this is who I am and that starts to take a lot of pressure off of you to behave to somebody else is standard.

[00:42:56] And now you're just trying to become the person that you want to be right and as you said it's inside all of us the reasons and the values might be different.

[00:43:07] But the opportunity to exercise that is ordinary it's available to everyone.

[00:43:12] And I can say one thing that I have noticed with a lot of people that I coach is that they are really doing a lot of that.

[00:43:20] And that's another reason why I call it ordinary they are really doing it.

[00:43:25] What is important is to be you mentioned is the intentional about it because then you for intentional about it then it becomes a life of life.

[00:43:41] So you we got the reason there is a level of intentionality in resilience.

[00:43:47] One thing that I do with my kids my kid and my five year old you know he's not all the stuff we still shower together.

[00:43:55] At the end of the shower you know I turned the water to the you know we play a game said call water which I was free I was free and it's just a water.

[00:44:03] And he said yes I'm ready you know and I just turned the 30 water to call water is not to call water it's like a shock that is a small way of.

[00:44:15] You know we went to and I got to say you know I need my kids we went to Tahoe last weekend and that is a part of our deal of decline.

[00:44:30] And I was I almost fell off my and there out of my chair met a horrible speaking you know and when my kids said facing my fears and do it anyway facing my fears I do it anyway.

[00:44:44] So that's it so the more intentional we are about doing things then we built our own resilience because again you know it's about the stories that we tell ourselves.

[00:44:56] It's exactly right can companies can organizations become resilient and more resilient.

[00:45:04] Companies can not come become resilient people individuals in the organization are resilient is is is is a.

[00:45:22] You know you can not ask that rock to be resilient is it.

[00:45:26] That's not the person that uses the rock is the person that is going to be resilient and that's why it's important then you know like from the from the from organizations from the top leaders.

[00:45:37] And managers to encourage those behaviors that allow people to become resilient.

[00:45:44] How much of that is modeling resilience how much of that is teaching some these principles.

[00:45:52] I think that they go honey, you know the way I say the way I think is that I cannot what is the word I say.

[00:46:02] In order for me to get better at something I have to teach it to somebody else.

[00:46:07] You know so I can all tell a person how to swim if I can not show him how to swim you know you can also swim by mail or they're actually happy.

[00:46:19] So going back to you know to the to the organizations you know I think that yes you have to model it.

[00:46:28] But also surround yourself with people that are resilient and encourage people to build resilience you know because again you think about this you know we all have different levels of resilience.

[00:46:38] You know some leaders are successful but they are they might not be resilient but if they are intentional about building an organization that is that is going to weather another pandemic.

[00:46:51] They need to think preparing people for the top times and that's what resilience is all about.

[00:46:58] Yeah, what resilience when you are in the middle of a crisis that's not going to take you out of the crisis.

[00:47:04] Resilience is something that you build over time and you endure you can adapt in order to when you when things happen you ready to come out of it.

[00:47:14] I think I think you're just going back to our word intentionality.

[00:47:18] You know it's I believe it's one reason I've so excited to talk to you is that resilience is really the superpower for individuals because of the rate of change in the magnitude of change.

[00:47:37] You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you're coming for my job like that would be like something there's global.

[00:47:45] Huh?

[00:47:46] What?

[00:47:47] Well, I want that's the basis of that I am I'm following you but what I just want to make a point that like people are freaked out about AI am I going to get laid off.

[00:47:56] Either way whoever gets elected it's going to be a disaster there's worse going on recession inflation and like there's so many things happening I think gotten into things like my 13 year olds a disaster my marriage isn't going great.

[00:48:12] Like whatever else is going on there's so many things happening and if you don't have a reservoir to draw on and just really kind of getting back to who am I and how do I fear less.

[00:48:27] So I can be more fearless and like all those things I just think that resilience is so important.

[00:48:36] I think it in an individual level obviously but then for companies to understand that their people are under a lot of pressure burnout is like 44% according to firm survey data McKinsey says fully 50% of employees are disengaged.

[00:48:54] What and a lot of it is because they're just stressed out and they don't have the toolkit to be able to in a healthy productive constructive way handle the stress so then we start doing things are not helpful.

[00:49:13] We procrastinate we self-medicate but whatever we're doing that's not good because it seems overwhelming and so what I love about what you're doing is.

[00:49:27] So what do you think about it's practical this isn't just theory and ideas it's born out of your personal experience with a bias for action and pragmatic things that people can do.

[00:49:39] Yeah, if you were to ask me what is the most important pillar I mean if I were to rank them I'm hesitating to do that so I'm glad you brought it up.

[00:49:49] I think that number one is relationships.

[00:49:53] It's key because if I think about that for me that is the one thing that has helped me tremendously about building relationships.

[00:50:04] My dad used to say this is a natural because tell me who you are hanging out with and I tell you who you are or something along those lines and I think that.

[00:50:14] The way I have lived my life is I raised the bar for myself but also look for people that can support me.

[00:50:22] There is an incredible book by the called decisive by the Dan Kitan, their professors at Stanford and we say that we spend a little time solving problems when we should be.

[00:50:38] We have a lot of things that we have going through somebody else that's already gone through and by reaching out and see how do you do it not only give us the answer but provide inspiration for us to go through.

[00:50:52] Yes.

[00:50:54] Yeah, well you know I like to say that life is a team sport it's not a solo sport and we need I mean I think just the way that we were created you have different gifts and I have I've got different gifts and you have and we make each other complete.

[00:51:11] So nobody has the whole package but together we are the whole package.

[00:51:17] So we do need to be in relationship and again it's not just the functional that might be kind of the obvious or the overt part but the emotional part of this right and you know there's days that you know I need you to hold me up in their stays that I can hold you up.

[00:51:35] And and that's the way that I think that we operate in the most healthy way so I love it.

[00:51:42] You're talking about about you know it is about relationships and we make time for the things are important to us you know we do and that is a key we do saying I don't have time to this I know if you prior to I said you will make time.

[00:51:58] Exactly so so let's put let's start to put a bow on this.

[00:52:04] Can you can you bring all this together for folks so just your kind of the book in summary maybe the five pillars or maybe if there's an inspirational story how do you want to start to wrap this up for folks.

[00:52:21] I think that for me you know the if I worked you know the book has brought a thought in my story or not a story at all day what I recall it is is that the world doesn't belong to people that know the most but to people that learn the fastest.

[00:52:48] And and I think that the how do you learn is you learn through others how do you learn you need to by taking risks you know and then the less you're how do you learn by embracing where you are you know I mean a lot of times we think that we know we don't the realities that we don't you know how we learn is by adding some level of.

[00:53:10] And we're trying to learn what is the purpose of what we're doing so so I think that you know relationships is is is is key.

[00:53:23] And so I'm so glad if people want to buy the book or marry resilience a sumant to available on Amazon it is pretty it is available for pre-order right now until June 25th so on June 25th you can order it and get in at you know today.

[00:53:49] And it's folks want to learn more about coaching practice with the best way to do that you know you can the sumant you can add a link to my link in the file or you can go to.

[00:54:09] Okay so valus coaching dot com so that's cool.

[00:54:15] Luis like I appreciate you know everything that you've done kind of examining yourself first the creative stories it created the pillars the creative the narrative that's become this terrific book.

[00:54:28] People that know me know that I am like a resilience and chunky because they just it changes people's lives and it doesn't just change your life in the same way that your father modeled for you.

[00:55:10] People who start to change.

[00:55:10] I think is doing good in the world.

[00:55:14] Yeah, so I'm just very thankful to have met you to have read the book and to be able to spend some time with you today.

[00:55:22] Thank you Bob I really appreciate the opportunity as well.

[00:55:25] So everyone thank you so much.

[00:55:27] So again ordinary resilience by Luis Velázquez is the book you can pre-order it between now and June 25th and after June 25th it's available on Amazon.

[00:55:37] So appreciate it I hope that you got something from today that you can take away again obviously I'm going to recommend that you get the book.

[00:55:45] But you know being able to build relationships identify your values to to accept reality as it is and to be able to your confront what it is in front of you and not be stuck or paralyzed but to move into it with courage.

[00:56:04] We'll be life-changing for you. So Luis a pleasure. Thank you so much and to our audience thank you.

[00:56:12] Thank you. Thank you.

[00:56:14] So hang on for Jeff.